This morning I read with interest an article on the Straits Times (STOMP). In short, it was about an NUS student who wasn’t happy about her boyfriend (who was still a student) who doesn’t spend money on her like her friends’ boyfriends do.
This made me reflect about my relationship with Shorty and how material wealth (or the desire for material wealth) plays a role in it.
First off, I’m sure everybody has their own opinions or principles when it comes to buying luxury things. This article however covers the principles me and my wife (Shorty) hold on to and my intention is just to share them.
Also, to be fair I’m not a student like in the article. I’m Co-Founder of a startup that has today grown into a company that employs 160 people in 7 different offices around the world. We’re not poor… but I wouldn’t say we’re really rich either. I’d say we live comfortable lifestyles. So here are the principles Shorty and me follow…
1) Acknowledge that peer pressure does exist.
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is “I like this and I want to buy it… not because my friends have it but because I like it”. The truth is that peer pressure really does influence our desire or perceived need for certain material things. One such incident was a some time ago when Shorty suddenly came up to me bent on buying herself a Chanel boy. It had come right after we heard about some of our other friends rushing to buy it. When I asked her why she wanted it she said because she liked it… and it wasn’t because of peer pressure.
Now I think RM12,000 is a lot to spend on a handbag. But heck my wife really wanted it so we went to look for it but we didn’t find one in the end. Now here are two good things about acknowledging peer pressure.
The first is that you learn manage your own feelings, knowing that a part of your desire for a product isn’t really because you like the product a lot but because your friends have it. The second though is even more important. That after a while if you don’t buy it, you’ll get over the desire for it. In the case of Shorty and her Chanel Boy, she has already gotten over wanting one. I on the other hand have fallen to traps of buying stuff because of peer pressure and ended up regretting some of the purchases.
Peer pressure also influences how much you like something after you’ve bought it. Say you bought yourself a BMW and you’re really happy about it. Suddenly all the friends you have end up buying Porsches and Ferraris and all. When you start comparing your BMW with their cars sometimes you end up not appreciating it as much even though nothing has changed with the car. The only thing that has changed is what your friends drive.
2) Pace yourself to leave something nicer to upgrade to each time.
When I first got my driver’s license, my Dad gave me one of those old Proton Wira to drive. It was awesome! Having your own car and being able to drive yourself to wherever you wanted to go was awesome. Then I began to see my friends driving sports cars or continental cars that their fathers have given them. My father though always maintained that he could afford to let me drive a better car but he didn’t want to. Why? Because he said that he wanted me to learn to appreciate the most basic car so that in future when and if I have the opportunity to drive more expensive cars, I would learn to appreciate it.
That turned out to be true. Today I drive a car that I really like and I fully learned to appreciate how that car is better than the Proton Wira that I drive. I did however really love my Proton Wira. It was a reliable car that brought me places and gave me loads of good memories. Now just like many guys, I’ve always had the dream of having a Ferrari or a Lambo. When I told Shorty about it recently, her reply was: “You’re 29 now. If you buy a Ferrari then what are you going to upgrade to when you’re 35, or 40, or 50?”.
For that very same reason, believe it or not, Shorty today doesn’t have a Chanel bag (as much as she almost wanted to buy a Boy). Heck I know college students that carry Chanel but not my wife. Yes she has Miu Miu, LV, Marc Jacobs, all sorts of other brands but not the Chanel. Why? Because once you have a Chanel and at our young age, what else is there to upgrade to? Ok Hermes… then what else?
So Shorty like me… paces herself. She will one day soon get a Chanel… and when that happens… she’ll love it as much as I love my future Ferrari.
3) The Diminishing Marginal Utiliy of Luxuries.
When I first started making a bit of money I went through a phase. A phase where I liked buying designer clothing just for the sake of it being designer clothing. I would walk into a shop and even if I didn’t really like a shirt that much, just because it was Ralph Lauren I would buy it. I realized that the more I did this, the less I began to value each new purchase. Buying the recent 3 Ralph Lauren shirts hardly excited me more than buying my first one.
So last year I decided to stop it. I made a promise myself that for the full year, I would not buy a single piece of designer clothing unless it was on sale and was a good deal. That was a promise I kept not just for 2012 but even till now. I now buy less… but I get more joy.
4) Wear the designer brands. Don’t let it wear you.
One thing Shorty and I tend to have in common is that we strive to wear the designer brands we buy, not let it wear us. We’re determined not to let it become our identity. Like to a stranger who had just met us, we rather be described as “the bubbly ones… or even “the short and fat one” rather than “the girl carrying the Chanel”.
That’s why if you notice from our blogs or Instagram, it’s rare that we post that new designer bag, or new luxury watch. Or even pictures of a Louis Vuitton shopping bag. Sure some people are followed because of how “high class” they’re perceived to be but I really hope none of you ever follow us for any reason like that. We hope you follow us because we’re funny, we’re stupid, we’re loving or we’re anything.
For the most part, Shorty doesn’t often carry any of her few designer bags. She carries bags that I assume she got as a free gift like this.
But somehow she makes it work.
5) Remember that not all things get better the more expensive they are.
This is moderately true for clothes and bags and watches but it’s mostly true for food. Shorty loves Japanese food. Every week I would try to bring her once to a Japanese restaurant… doesn’t have to be a fancy one but just a normal one like Ichiban Boshi. She does also like siu yoke, wan tan mee, chicken rice and the likes. So we spend a lot of time going for street food. Somehow to me, that expensive wan tan mee in a hotel is never as good as the one by the street in Burma Road, Penang.
6) Respect money.
My business partner Ming once told me something his mom had told him. “Respect money, if you take it for granted it will leave you”. I live by that principle. So never have I ever said anything like “Small money la just pay”… even if that small money is RM2. My grandfather was another advocate of this. One of the last things he taught me before he passed away was “When you make money, keep it… because life has its ups and downs and you won’t always be able to make money consistently. And… the world is a cruel place for people with no money”. So respect money… because it is more important than that Rolex or that Hermes Birkin.
7) Let loose every now and then…
Remember when Shorty was shopping at Marc Jacobs in LA and deciding which to take ? I told her then to just take everything. Why? Because every now and then it’s nice to let go of the things you’re expected to do in life (including living by these very principles I just wrote out). Sometimes rewarding yourself in a spontaneous heat of the moment brings a lot of excitement. Not just because of the things you get to buy… but because of the moment. Treasure the moment of letting loose… because that’s more important than what you let loose on.
The truth is to me the thing that makes me happiest in life is the people around me. My friends, my family, my wife… and this little guy.
So I don’t believe in the saying “The best things in life are free”. A more accurate statement to me would be: “The best things in life can’t be bought”.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space
