#196

While having Tong Pak Fu

Me: ALRIGHT! NOM NOM NOM

Shorty: This Fatty huh… going to get fat.

Me: What? It’s just ice.

Shorty: Look at all that sugar!

Me: *sings* A spoonful of sugar keeps the elephant away……

Shorty: What elephant? Helps the medicine go down lah!  This Fatty ah… simply sing.

#197

Sister: Our friend got proposed to. But her reaction when she got proposed to was like… “Oh ok”.

Me: Well that’s better than someone else who got proposed to and then said “Real wan or not?”

Shorty: Well if you must know, that was the same reaction I had when I saw the pregnancy test.

#194

Earlier today.

Me: Come lets watch movie tonight.

Shorty: Ok! Great Gatsby!

Me: No lets watch Star Trek.

Shorty: Dowan lahh I hate Star Trek. Whenever I think of Star Trek I think of that old boring TV show where they sit in the control room. Damn boring.

Me: But the new Star Trek now is different….

Shorty: I don’t care!

Me: ….

Shorty: Great Gatsby lah!

Me: I feel like watching an action movie lah!

Shorty: Fine we watch Fast and Furious 6.

In the cinema that night watching Fast and Furious 6. The first scene where The Rock and Vin Diesel come on.

Shorty: Wait wait! Those two bald guys were different guys?

Me: Yep.

Shorty: Who is who now?

Me: Shh…

Shorty: They both look the same!

5 minutes later

Shorty: Feeling sleepy. I think imma try sleep. *rests head on my shoulder*

Towards the end of the movie when it looked like the movie ended but didn’t.

Shorty: HAR still got ah!! Faster end already!

#195

At home.

Me: Shorty Shorty come show you a funny video.

We watch the video together.

Shorty: Haha….

Me: Hahaha….

Shorty: Hahahahahaha

Me: Hahahahahahaha

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

Shorty: AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: *tears roll down* Ahh I’m crying… stop the video.

Shorty: HAhahahahahah… okok take a break.

30 seconds later…

Me: Okay lets go. *clicks play*

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This was the video.

#191

In the car on the way to a comedy show. I’m checking some emails on my phone. 

Shorty: So who are we meeting for the comedy show later again?

Me: My friend Robin.

Shorty: Robin?

Me: Yeah.

Shorty: So is he bringing Batman?

Me: No he’s bringing his wife I think.

Shorty: ….

Me: *continues typing on phone*

Shorty: Why you never pay attention to me when I talk!

Me: What what? I am!

Shorty: What did I say?

Me: You asked if he’s bringing Batman.

Shorty: Then why your answer so serious? Why you never laugh?

Me: Aiyer aiyer this Shorty people answer serious and not laugh also angry huh.

Shorty: HMPH.

#192

Walking around Publika

Me: Oh this Shorty back to not wearing heels!!! So Short hahaha!

Shorty: What what?

Me: Good… just how I like my Shorty. Short.

Shorty: I thought you like tall girls with long legs.

Me: Yes but I married a Shorty. So I expect her to be short. Your past weeks wearing heels is just misrepresentation. *hugs and ruffles head*.

Shorty: Arhhhhh…

Me: Haha you know every time I look to my side I see the top of your head.

Shorty: Hey!

Me: HAHAHAH I take picture and show you.

Shorty: HEY!

Me: HAHAHA it’s so funny. From now on I’m going to start an Instagram hashtag for photos that I take with you on my side. It’ll show just the top of your head. I’ll call it #WithShorty

Shorty: HEY!

#193

Shorty is eating bread with peanut butter for breakfast

Shorty: Ahh I’m too full. Can’t finish this. You want?

Me: WHAT?!?! You eat until like that then want to give me eat?

Shorty: Uhh… hehehe….

Me: Fine I’ll take it *puts in mouth*

#188

While walking in Paris, Shorty was constantly complaining about having to walk so much in the cold. Anyway in one particular instance.

Me: *looks at maps on my phone*

Me: Ok Shorts… I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?

Shorty: The bad news.

Me: The bad news is that we got another 1.4 KM to walk.

Shorty: WHAT?! SHIT!!! What’s the good news?

Me: That I’ll be here walking with you *smiles*

Shorty: FUCK LAR!!!

#189

Because of the cold, Shorty ended up borrowing my sweater most of the time and using it like this.

She also tended to drop it every now and then on the streets of Paris. The thing about Paris is that some parts of the streets often smell like dried pee. The first time Shorty dropped my sweater on the floor.

Shorty: OOPSS Shit… *frantically picks up sweater and acts like nothing happened*

Me: I saw that.

Shorty: HEHEHEE

The second time it happened.

Shorty: Oops…

Me: THIS SHORT PERSON HUH ALWAYS DROPPING MY SWEATER. Damn dirty di!

Shorty: Sorry sorry… won’t happen again.

When it happened again.

Shorty: Ah crap…

Me: FUCK LAR!!! MY SWEATER NOW ALL SURE COVERED IN DRY PEE LIKE THAT.

#190

In the plane on the way back from London to KL

Me: Shorts… ok in order for us to cope with the jet lag better, we must not sleep too much.

Shorty: Actually can sleep. Just sleep for a few hours then must wake up. So when we reach KL at 5.30PM we just need to stay up a few more hours then can go sleep.

Me: Ok sounds like a plan!

8 hours later

Me: *wakes up* FUCKKK I SLEPT FOR 8 hours!!!!

Shorty: HAHA!!!

Me: You also right?

Shorty: No I watched another movie after you went to bed.

Me: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Shit… looks like tonight when you’re sleeping soundly I’m going to be like this. *Shows expression with wide open eyes*.

Shorty: HAHA… suckerrrr…

Shortly after a short meal, Shorty falls asleep. When she wakes up later.

Me: HAHAHAHA… YOU FELL ASLEEP FOR ANOTHER 2 HOURS! We’re even now! BWAHAHA

Shorty: DAMMITT!!!!!!

Fast forward some 12 hours later. It’s 5AM in the morning and I’m at my computer blogging this entry out. I didn’t sleep all night. Shorty on the other hand is sleeping like a log. *sigh*. Shall go back to bed and try to sleep again now.

#185

At a market called Borough Market in London.

Shorty: Shit I need to pee need to pee need to pee.

Me: Okok lets go find a toilet.

5 minutes later

Shorty: Where’s the toilet???

Me: I don’t know. Maybe there.

Shorty: ARRGGGHH!!!

Me: OK I SEE IT! It’s over there!

Shorty: YES!

Me: *sings* WEEEE are the CHAMPIONS….. ”

Shorty: Ohhhh.. witty huh this Fat one.

Me: What? Huh? Ohh… yah yah….

Shorty: You didn’t actually mean to say “Wee” as in go to toilet “Wee” when you sang the song did you?

Me: No I did… yes I did.

Shorty: No you didn’t…. not very witty after all huh this Fatty.

#186

Walking on the streets of London.

Shorty: *humming some song*

Me: *hums do the Hustle*

Shorty: What song is that?

Me: Err…

Shorty: Party Rock..?

Me: No… it’s called Do the Hustle. *hums song loudly and dances*

#187

We’re looking at baby clothes when Shorty sees this really cute skirt.

Shorty: Haih Fighter… why can’t you be asexual.

Me: Hey! Don’t say that about Fighter. I would rather he have a sex than no sex.

#183

Walking around London again in the cold. Shorty is all bundled up.

Me: Oh shit I think we’re walking in the wrong direction.

Shorty: WHAT? SHIT LARRRRR

Me: Yeah its back there *turns back*

Shorty:  FUCK LAHH!!!

Me: Look at this Shorty. So vulgar acting like mafia. Other small girls try to look cute and sweet or elegant even but this one act like gangster huh!

Shorty: Hehehehe.

#184

Having breakfast one day

Me: Shorty I think we need to talk.

Shorty: What what?

Me: It’s about something really disgusting that you do.

Shorty: What what?

Me: Every night when you get out of bed to go to the toilet, I hear you pee, the wipe yourself up and then flush. But I don’t hear you wash your hands. Then you come back to bed and then with that same hand you used to wipe yourself you hold my hand.

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: And then when I wake up in the morning I use that same hand and rub my eyes or touch my nose. It’s no wonder I get a stye so often. Wahlau wash your hands lah!

Shorty: Too sleepy to care about washing hands.

Me: It takes you 5 seconds!

Shorty: 5 seconds in the middle of the night is a long time.

#181

We’re walking down Champs Elysee in Paris when Shorty spots a McDs and insists on buying some nuggets. Once we walk in:

Shorty: AHHH such a long queue!!!!!

Me: Oh well.

Shorty: HEY What’s that!

Me: Self-order machine.

Shorty: OOH OOH I WANNA PRESS. *orders nuggets and pays with credit card*.

There is no queue at the pick-up point for self-order. So five minutes later we walk out with a bag of nuggets in Shorty’s hand.

Shorty: Dunno why not more people use the self-order machine…. SUCKERS!!! HAHAHA.

#182

Having tea with Shorty at a cafe in Paris. I ordered macaroons, a pastry and shared a pot of green tea with Shorty.

Me: *finishes cup of tea and pours more from the pot*

Shorty: *watches intently*

3 minutes later

Me: *finishes 2nd cup of tea and pours more from pot*

Shorty: HEY!

Me: What?

Shorty: Why you drink so much!!!

Me: Thirsty.

3 minutes later.

Me: *finishes 3rd cup of tea and pours more again*

Shorty: HEY!!! DON’T DRINK ALL THE TEA!!!

Me: Oh sorry I think I just had the last cup of tea.

Shorty: WHAT!!!

Shorty then picks up my cup of tea, and empties it into her cup.

Me: What the hell?

Shorty: *scoops up a teaspoon of tea from her cup and throws it back into my  empty cup*

Me: *drinks the teaspoon of tea I have left*

Shorty: HAHAHA

#179

Shorty and me just got to Paris today for our baby moon.

Shorty: Wow this is the first time we’re in a country where we don’t know the language.

Me: No who said.

Shorty: Yes what! Most of the countries we been to have English as the main language. And Japan I speak Japanese.

Me: China and Hong Kong?

Shorty: Yah but it’s not very far off. I mean you can still speak…..

Me: Thailand.

Shorty: ….

Me: Yes? Something to say? You know how to speak Thai? Sawadikarb!

Shorty: Fine fine.

#180

During lunch at a French cafe by Champs Elysees 

Shorty:  What do we know about France?

Me: Les Miserables. The Guillotine.

Shorty: Ya but what else. Like which famous person do we know from France?

Me: Dunno.

Shorty: There I know… Audrey Tatou. The actress from Chocolat.

Me: Oh ok.

Shorty: Come lets play a game. We see who can name more famous people from a country or state ok? So you can choose a country first but you have to let me one person first. And once I answer, if you cannot answer anymore then you lose. Then we take turns to choose a country. Ok?

Me: Ok ok I start. USA.

Shorty: Britney Spears.

Me: Obama.

Shorty: Ok China.

Me: Zhang Zi Yi

Shorty: Mao Tse Tung.

Me: Germany.

Shorty: Mercedes Benz.

Me: WHAT? FAMOUS PERSON! Not a car!

Shorty: Mercedes Benz is a person! He named it after his daughter.

Me: Yerrr like that I might as well say Bavarian Motor Works (BMW).

Shorty: Haha but that’s not a person’s name!

Me: Neither is Mercedes Benz.

Shorty: It’s true la we studied it in school.

Me: Now that’s bullshit. Where got we study such thing in school.

Shorty: GOT!

Me: Fine Fine. Give you!

Shorty: Ok Scotland!

Me: Shit…. who is from Scotland? OK JOHNNIE WALKER!

Shorty: CANNOT LAH!

Me: Fine William Wallace.

Shorty: WHO THE HECKK IS THAT??

Me: Braveheart.

Shorty: HE DOESN’T EXIST IN REAL LIFE!

Me: He was a hero!

Shorty: Fine… give you. We can then use fictional characters also.

Me: HAHA YES!

Shorty: Ok for Scotland I have Sean Connery.

Me: He’s from Scotland? WAAATTT.

Shorty: Haha yeah. Your turn.

Me: I don’t have any more.

Shorty: HAHA I have one more. Then I win already.

Me: Fine give it to me.

Shorty: Sir Alex Ferguson.

Me: AHHHH!!!!!!!

Shorty: HAHA I remember that he’s Scottish only because we heard him speak when we watched the Man Utd vs Swansea game last week.

Me: Ok fine. I’m gonna give it to you. My turn… ALASKA!

Shorty: Hmm… Sarah Palin?

Me: ARRRRRGGGHHHHH FUUUUUKKKK THAT WAS THE ONE I GOT.

Shorty: HAHAHA TOO BAD. So now your turn. Who do you know from Alaska?

Me: Shit lah! Nobody else is from Alaska ah!! There’s nothing there except Lobsters.

Shorty: Lobsters are from Maine.

Me: Alaska also got what!

Shorty: Ok Germany.

Me: Hitler!

Shorty: AHHHHHH…..!!!

Me: Ok so who else?

Shorty: I know. The Holy Roman Emperor.

Me: WHAT?!?

Shorty: Yah… during the old days before Germany was Germany.

Me: WHAT RUBBISH.

Shorty: REALLY WAN!

Me: OK fine give you.

Shorty: Ok Denmark.

Me: Peter Gade.

Shorty: HAHA WHO IS THAT?? REAL WAN OR NOT!

Me: OF COS LAH! He’s the famous badminton player from Denmark.

Shorty: What kind of name is that? Sounds like Alligator!

Me: The real Peter Gade is going to be so pissed off at you if he knows you said that.

Shorty: Don’t know whether if really a real person or not. *suspicious*