#310

Shorty has been renovating our study and Fighter’s room. She repainted the walls and we’ve had to stay away from the rooms for a few days because of the strong fresh paint smell. I happened to do some research to see if there is a quicker way to get rid of the new paint smell.

Me: Shorts. Did you know that you can light a candle and leave it in the room for hours and it will help take away the smell?

Shorty: Really? *skeptical*

Me: Serious. Don’t believe go Google it.

Shorty: *checks Google* YOU’RE RIGHT IT DOES!!!

Me: Yes… it removes all bad odors too. So next time if I fart you can just light a candle in the room.

Shorty: Yes… except that your fart is probably flammable. So it’ll catch fire.

Me: Funny.

#311

We’re at the GSC Media Appreciation Night where we got to watch Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Shorty: Look they gave us free popcorn.

Me: Yep.

Shorty: Is it caramel or salted?

Me: Caramel.

Shorty: YAY! That’s what you like right?

Me: No… I like salted popcorn. Shows how much you know about me after so many years of marriage Shorty.

Shorty: HEY … how I know… you like caramel too.

Remember when I said in the previous entry that I bought Shorty a Chanel for her 5th Anniversary present. Well that didn’t turn out. Shorty wanted a Vintage Chanel and it was ordered from a site in the US. Some time after she ordered it she was told that they couldn’t deliver to Malaysia. So they refunded us and before Shorty had a chance to buy it again… someone else had bought it.

Shorty was super upset. So when I was in London earlier I decided to go to Chanel on Bond Street and buy her one. I was with my friend Thanee who got his wife one too 🙂

It wasn’t an easy decision though. I thought of picking a bag and just surprising Shorty with it when I got home but I didn’t want to risk buying a bag she didn’t like. So the decision to purchase this bag took almost an hour to make. A lot of Line messages and a bunch of video calls.

These are some excerpts of the conversations we had on Line on it.

After I bought it I told her that the box was too big for me to bring back on the flight so I was going to unwrap everything… which was a waste because it was so beautifully wrapped. So instead I took pictures of the package and also a video of the unwrapping.

 

Then Shorty wanted to buy me a nice present for my 5th anniversary. But I told her not to because I think I’ve got everything I need already and I think we’ve already spent enough money for the year.

 

 

The Cartier and Rolex was another gift idea I was considering for our 5th Anniversary. Well I notice Shorty doesn’t have a nice dress watch. So I thought of getting her one and I thought it would have really nice meaning because when you give someone a watch you give that person “time”. To add to that, earlier this year when she had pre-eclampsia what she did by staying in the hospital was to give Fighter time in her tummy to grow.

At the end of this experience I really don’t know how college kids make the decision to buy a Chanel so easy but man for us… it was a hard one.

I’m just glad Shorty loved it and heck after 5 years of holding off me buying a Chanel I guess it’s way overdue. Some of my friends buy Chanels for their girlfriends within the first few months of dating. They joke “This Tim ah… before he buy a Chanel for a girl he must be with her for 5 years, marry her first and have her give him a son before he bought her a Chanel”. Well the truth is we’ve had many other luxuries but yeah I’m glad Shorty and me fulfil each other in lots of other ways to make up for my delayed Chanel… heh.

Oh here’s the video that I took of the unboxing just for Shorty to see to give her a bit of the unwrapping experience.

#309

Me: Shorts..  when I’m away in Manchester for a week I’ll have limited internet access. Gonna need you to update my blog for me.

Shorty: Whaatt? Why can’t you just schedule some posts.

Me: Some posts about what?

Shorty: Things Shorty & Fatty say or something…

Me: I don’t have left.

Shorty: Sure got wan…

Me: Ok say something funny. Come on say it now.

Shorty: Stupid…

#310

At dinner with my brother and Shorty (and Fighter too).

Brother: Do you know that they’re coming out with the second part of 300 the movie?

Me: What? 400?

Shorty:  AHH DAMMIT!!! I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT TOO!

Me/Shorty: HAHAHAA

Brother: *ignores*

Before I start today’s Things Shorty & Fatty Say… here’s a picture of Fighter.

And here’s a picture of him laughing right after 🙂

Hehehe he’s such an angel.

In case you’re wondering where this photo is from, it’s from his blog on Dayre. You can also download the Dayre app and follow his blog. Check it out.

#308

So our 5th Anniversary just passed and Shorty and I were supposed to buy each other presents. The present I decided to buy her was a Chanel. Why? There’s some history to it. Since we first got together, Shorty has had all sorts of peer pressure to buy a Chanel. All her friends had one.

I always said that I could afford her one but we should pace ourselves with the luxuries we had. So I bought her Marc Jacobs, LV, Miu Miu and all sorts of other brands first, but never Chanel.

Shorty:* Looking at a really nice Chanel online*  OH MY I LOVE THIS!

Me: Okay I’ll buy for you…

Shorty: Really? But it’s a Chanel.

Me: Yes but it’s our 5th Anniversary. I think enough time has passed for us as a couple for me to give you a Chanel.

Shorty: Thank you Fatty. Now what do you want?

Me: I don’t know.

Shorty: You’re so hard to buy things for. Everything you want, you just go out and buy it.

Me: Well I want a Ferrari. Don’t have one yet…

Shorty: I can’t afford that 🙁

Some weeks later we’re shopping at Guess in Empire Shopping Mall. Shorty spotted a shirt on sale that she thought was really nice so I was going ahead to buy it. Then I realized that if I used Shorty’s HSBC credit card, I would get an additional 10% discount. Shorty offered to then just pay for my shirt.

Shorty: I buy you present. HEHEHE…

Me: Hehe thank you Shorty. Is this our 5th anniversary present ? (I had previously bought her a Chanel for that and she hasn’t thought of what to buy me yet).

Shorty: No la I where got so cheap-skate.

Me: Hehe…

#306

Last weekend, Shorty and I went out with my family to this Japanese restaurant called Ten at Marc Residences. It was a bit of a culinary adventure for us.

One of the dishes we ordered happened to be a little hot pot bowl with this in it.

Me: *asking waiter* Excuse me… what’s this?

Waiter: Cod milt…

Me: What?

Waiter: Cod milt…..

Me: Oh… ok (didn’t really get it..) *continues to put it in my mouth anyway*

Me: Hmm… tastes a bit…. like brain..

Shorty: *asking waiter* Excuse me… what did you say that was again?

Waiter: Cod milt.

Shorty: What’s cod milt?

Waiter: Like fish sperm…

Me: *Stops chewing*

Shorty: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Me: Fuck… I’ve already half swallowed it.

Shorty: You like it Fatty?

Me: Fuck… feels like a fish came in my mouth now…

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHA

Me: *swallows*… There… I swallowed it. See? Swallowing ain’t that bad…

Shorty: Ya right.

Me: Ok your turn…

Shorty: I don’t feel like eating it now.

Me: Come on Shorty… if I can do it.. you can too.

Shorty: *puts the entire fish sperm blob into her mouth*

Me: HAHAHAHA THAT FACE THAT FACE! COME COME TAKE PICTURE!

#307

Shorty and I are in the car listening to 90s music. We have this thing where we take turns to choose songs to play from the 90s. I chose the song Dear Lie by TLC if you remember it.

Me: You know what… when I was growing up I thought “Dear Lie” was dedicated to a guy. Like “Lie” is a guy. Not only I notice it literally refers to LIE.

Shorty: OF COURSE LAH!

Me: I didn’t know ma…

Shorty: O RLY? So in the song when it goes “Get out of my mouth…” when exactly did you think it referred to?

#304

Shorty lately while reading Reddit found this picture of a piece of shit so huge it looked like it came from a Brontosaurus. The worst part… she thought it was funny and she ended up going around my house showing everyone that picture. I avoided her at all costs until…

Shorty: Fatty… look at this. *shows picture on her phone*

Me: FUCK THIS SHIT…

Shorty: HAHAHAHA yep… “fuck this shit” is right…. HAHAHAA

5 minutes later

Me: *phone beeps* AUGGGHHH WHAT THE FUCK!

Shorty: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Me: WHY YOU SEND ME THIS SHIT PICTURE SOME MORE!!! NOW IT’S IN MY CAMERA ROLL AND I HAVE TO MANUALLY DELETE IT!!!

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

If you want to see the picture of that shit (but I STRONGLY advise AGAINST it)…. click here.

#305

Shorty: Lets watch Hunger Games!

Me: Ok how about tonight? (It’s Friday)

Shorty: Don’t want ah… lets watch tomorrow.

Me: Why? We can make it for tonight.

Shorty: I know… I just feel… we are more happening if we go out to watch movie at night on a Saturday night.

Me: Shorts.. “Happening” is a word people use when they go out partying at Zouk and then go for supper after that. Not watching a movie.

UPDATE: Oh crap I just noticed that RSS readers like Imotiv pulls out the picture in the link I posted since I didn’t include any other picture in the post previously. So I have now added a picture of me and Shorty. If your RSS reader got bombed by the picture Shorty sent I’m so sorry. Didn’t see that one coming.

UPDATE 2: Ok still working on trying to clear the picture from my Imotiv. Sorry about the trouble guys. For what it’s worth, when Shorty found out what happened she had a good laugh.

#301

Leaving for work one morning where I have an important meeting.

Me: Alright I’m leaving now… see you Shorts.

Shorty: Good luck man!

Me: Man?  Since when you start calling me “man”?

Shorty: Well you’re a man aren’t you?!

#302

Sitting watching TV in our room when Shorty turns to look at me.

Shorty: Why are you smiling?

Me: Cuz I just farted.

Shorty: *pauses*… ARGGHHH FUCKING SMELLY!!!  SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN POTATO!!!

Me: Hahahah… after 5 years with you ah… still have so many different smells huh my Fart.

#303

Over dinner last night I accidentally drop my glasses on the floor. 

Me: *picks up glasses and wears it*

Shorty: Oi! Drop your glasses on the floor also just pick up and wear ah?!

Me. I’m sorry… Should I throw them away instead?

 

#299

Shorty: This Fighter now ah… doesn’t seem to want to bottle feed anymore. Only wants to breast feed.

Me: At least we know he’s straight. He likes titties.

#300

We paid a visit to Proudduck’s Cukur Jambul (which is the Malay version of Full Moon… like unveiling the baby to friends and family).

While walking to the event earlier that day…

Me: Ooh Shorty you’re dressed up so nice today huh.

Shorty: Hehehe…

Me: Did you bring the ang pow?

Shorty: Yeah it’s here….OH SHIT I FORGOT TO SEAL IT….. BLEKKkk *licking sounds*

Me: *turns to see Shorty licking the envelope to seal it*

Me: Classy Shorty… very classy.

Shorty: HEHEHE

#287

We were going out for dinner last night.

Shorty: *walks out our front door* Fats can you lock the door for me?

Me: I can… it’s whether I want to or not.

Shorty: So annoying huh? Lock the door lah!

Me: HAHAHA….

Later while walking to our car…

Me: Shorts… you have the car keys right? Can pass to me?

Shorty: I can…. it’s just whether I want to or not…

Me: So annoying!

Shorty: HAHAHA

#288

We had crab for dinner. When Shorty’s plate of crab was put in front of her she started staring at it…

Shorty: Poor crab… just minding his own business… digging in the sand and suddenly *chopping motion* PLEK!…. chopped up and now served on the dinner table.

#285

So we were talking about having a Nuffnang or ChurpChurp event where we would have a starlight cinema during Valentine’s Day.

Me: Heh cool right?

Shorty: But why would anyone do that?

Me: Well because it’s romantic…?

Shorty: No I mean it’s so hot…

Me: Well… I for one thought it was romantic and was thinking of taking you for that but I guess you and I have different ideas of what’s romantic and not.

Shorty: And there’ll be mosquitoes.

#286

Walking in Pavilion…

Me: What are you wearing? Is that a shorts or a skirt?

Shorty: Ah hah! That is the mystery!

Me: WTF?