I realize that some of you guys on my Dayre have been asking me why I haven’t written a Things Shorty & Fatty Say in a while. To the people who don’t already know what that is… it’s basically a series of conversations between Shorty and me on a daily basis. I haven’t done one in a while because while they used to get a lot of comments and all, I began to see them die down a little so I decided to start writing other stuff.

But okay since you asked for it here’s one more that just happened today. #337

To give you a bit of a background, Shorty never knew how to ride a bicycle until recently. She said she wanted to learn so I bought her one and taught her to ride it. She can now cycle to some extent but she hasn’t exactly been really hardworking in practising. So she’s still a little unstable and all.

Today is the first Sunday of the month. Every first Sunday of the month they close the roads in KL for two hours for cyclists. So we decided to take part in that. We agreed that we would kick off cycling at 8.15AM.

Here’s a chronological account of what happened.

7.30AM

Shorty had just got up from bed looking all groggy.

Me: Shorts I’m going to go cycle first ok?

Shorty: What why?

Me: I just thought I go cycle a bit and climb some hills first while waiting for you. I’ll come back at 8.15AM ok? Meet me downstairs.

Shorty: Okok. See you.

8.15AM

I arrive downstairs and Shorty isn’t around.

8.25AM

After waiting for 10 minutes I decided to go upstairs and look for Shorty who is still getting ready. She looks at me like nothing happened.

Me: So Shorts… tell me one thing.

Shorty: What what?

Me: When I said meet me downstairs at 8.15AM… were you thinking.. 8.15AM tomorrow? Or next week? Or when exactly?

Shorty: HAHAHA.

8.45AM

We’re all finally set. All ready to ride.

Me: Shorts wait. Let me take a picture.

Shorty: *poses*

Me: Okay now that I’ve taken a picture of you, I just want to tell you that you’ve gotten your helmet on backwards.

8.55AM

We’re cycling down the road. Shorty is zig-zaging around slowly with her bike.

Me: Shorts you gotta ride a little faster and gain momentum or you’re not going to be able to control your bike.

Shorty: Okay okay.

8.56AM

Shorty is stopped right in the middle of the main road. A big bus just passed us by with a few inches to spare.

Me: FUCKING BUS NEARLY KILLED US!

9.00AM

We reach the place where the roads are blocked so cyclists can cycle there free of cars

Me: Shit! We’re too late. The roads are closing already.

Shorty: What do we do then?

Me: We have to head back. I don’t feel confident of you cycling on the road like that. It’s dangerous. Lets go.

9.05AM

We climb a small hill…. when I say small hill I mean tiny. Like a speed bump… well okay a little bigger than a speed bump but not much more. Shorty is panting away.

9.08AM

We’re literally 2-3 minutes cycle away from home. Just down one straight road when Shorty stops.

Shorty: I can’t take it. I give up.

Me: What why?

Shorty: That hill tired me out.

Me: Aww c’mon. That wasn’t a real hill.

Shorty: It was to me!

Me: Okay fine. Wanna rest?

Shorty: No I’ll walk with the bike.

Me: Okay I’ll follow you.

A taxi passes us.

Shorty: TAXI !!! TAXI!!!

Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Fortunately the taxi didn’t stop.

Shorty: I can’t take it. I want to call a taxi back.

Me: What? It’s literally 5 minutes walk away from where we are now!

Shorty: I don’t care!! Oh look it’s another taxi… shall I flag it?

Me: Don’t be ridiculous? That will be the shortest taxi ride in the world!

9.10AM

We’re literally 10 steps away from the gate of my condominium

Shorty: Fats… I give up. I’m just going to leave this bicycle here. I don’t care. I don’t ever want to see it again anyway.

Me: Don’t be lazy la. Just push it in the apartment at least.

9.11AM

We reach the compound of our apartment. Shorty leaves her bike on the road and walks away.

Me: Where you going??!

Shorty: Upstairs.

Me: What about your bike?

Shorty: I’ll ask our helper to bring it up for me. I’m too tired.

Me: What if someone steals it?

Shorty: *turns to look at bike.. then back at me* If someone steals it…. then someone steals it. *then walks away*

So that everyone was our cycling adventure this morning.

Wow I realized I haven’t posted a Things Shorty & Fatty Say in a long time. So okay here’s one.

#336

I was having dinner with Shorty a few days ago before watching a movie. During the dinner Shorty was debating something with me and I had a moment. For that one moment I was reminded why I love hanging out with Shorty… because I find her really intellectually stimulating.

So I got out my phone and took a few pictures of her while she continued to lay out her argument for whatever we were debating about.

Then after she finished…

Me: I love that you’re so smart.

Shorty: What what? Smart in what?

Me: Smart like you can debate and I like how you can relay your points really well and they make sense.

Shorty: Do you know what is debate?

Me: What?

Shorty:  Debate is the de thing you catch de fish with.

Me: Huh?

Shorty: De bait… as in “the bait”. AHAHAHAH.

Me: I take it back. My wife is an idioto.

Shorty: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA take so long to get the joke. Who’s the idiot now?

Me: -____-

#335

We’re on the plane to Tokyo when suddenly Shorty goes:

Shorty: NOOOOOO!!!

Me: What what?

Shorty: NOOOO NO NO NO!!!

Me: What?!

Shorty: I think I remember what I forgot to bring now.

Me: What?

Shorty: My breast pump.

Me: WHAT?! (This is a big deal because Shorty is still breastfeeding so she needs to pump milk twice a day or her boobs will explode).

Shorty: I remember packing it into the bag last night but I took it out this morning to pump again before we left for the airport and I can’t remember if I put it back.

Me: Great.

Shorty: I guess you’re going to have to suck the milk out Fats…

Me: NO!

Shorty: What do you mean No? George did it for his wife.

Me: He did? Why?

Shorty: She had a blocked duct or something so he had to unblock it.

Me: Yes.. that’s a blocked duct. You’re asking me to suck out two full milk bottles of milk. That’s more than Fighter drinks at one go. NO!

Shorty: You gonna have to.

Me: NO! You’re just going to have to buy a manual pump.

When we landed and got our check-in bags she quickly opened it to look for the pump.

Me: So?

Shorty: So when do you want to start sucking it out Fats?

Me: NO!

Shorty: HAHA Joking la.. it’s here.

Me: -___-

#334

Shorty and I were having dinner.

Me: Hmm I like the lamb chops.

Shorty: Really? I don’t like it… it’s a bit hard.

Me: Nice what… I like it.

Shorty: You want mine then?

Me: Ok sure…

Shorty: *passes a piece of lamb over*

Me: WHAT THE DEUCE?!

Shorty: What ? what?

Me: I can see your teeth marks! You chewed halfway on this piece then you give to me ah!?

Shorty: Oh… heh heh… *guilty*

Me: Wah no manners huh this one…

Shorty: Heh heh…

Me: *eats it anyway*

#332

I received an SMS saying that $150 has been charged to my credit card.

Me: WTF?!? Shorts you bought something online ah? $150.

Shorty: Huh? No… oh wait… oh I accidentally pressed… it went through ah?

Me: WHAAT??? How can you accidentally buy something for RM500 ?!?!?!

Shorty: Oh… nevermind I wanted it anyway. And I pay you back ah… I owe you some money anyway. I found my long lost cheque book already so I can pay you back.

Shorty goes off to grab her cheque book.

Shorty: HEY WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHEQUE BOOK?!?! Why so few pages left?

Me: *looks at cheque book*… maybe that’s because you’re holding MY cheque book?

Shorty: Oh… HAHAHAHAH.

Me: So annoying this girl. Buy something accidentally with my credit card then say want to pay me back but then use my own cheque book to write a cheque to me!

———-

On another note, check out this cute video of Fighter 🙂 Hehehe

He was laughing at my baby sitter who was doing funny faces behind the camera.

#330

Shorty and I are in our hotel room in Singapore washing up. The sink and the toilet in our hotel bathroom are literally next to each other. I accidentally dropped my dental floss into it.

Me: FUCKK!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITTTY FUCCCKKK!!!

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAA.

Me: *sigh* The worst part now is that I still have to put my hand in the toilet and pick it up.

Shorty: Well it could’ve been worse. The toilet could’ve been full of shit. Then you’ll really be in deep shit… HAHAHA GEDDIT GEDDIT?

Me: Don’t be annoying. Okay fine I’ll get it.

Shorty: Wait wait let me take a picture!

Me: NO!

Shorty: *snaps*

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: *looks at wet dental floss* Do you think I can still use this?

Shorty: WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?

#331

Shorty and I were crossing immigration at the Singapore airport. We were lugging Fighter in his car seat the whole time and before we get to the tall immigration counter, we had to go through this really narrow path. So we were both like stumbling towards the immigration officer seated on his high table. Upon reaching him the immigration officer:

Officer: Sir you’re supposed to come one by…. *looks at a panting stumbling Shorty next to me*…. are you okay?

Shorty: Uhh.. yes… just carrying baby…

Officer: Baby? Where? *looks down* Ohhh..

After we crossed immigration…

Shorty: What do you think the immigration officer was thinking?

Me: I think he was probably thinking that by the way you were walking, you were a person that had special needs or something.

Shorty: NO… I think he probably thought you were kidnapping me and had me handcuffed to you.

Me: No… mine is more plausible.

Shorty: No … mine is.

#329

Shorty and I were at Pavilion. She went shopping for clothes and I went to a golf shop to buy a new putter. When we met up later…

Shorty: Wah why you took so long?

Me: I went to buy a putter.

Shorty: A what?

Me: A putter.

Shorty: What?

Me: Putter.

Shorty: You mean like….. to spread on your bread?

 

Me: Haha funny.

Shorty: Like Beanut Putter? HAHAHA.

Me: Annoying huh this girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last night was Nuffnang’s 7th Birthday Party. We had it in Barbecue Garden with the support of Heineken, Mamee and a number of other sponsors.

When I was there I happened to meet a reader who said she loved reading my blog and that I was the only guy blogger she read. I asked her what was it that she liked about what I blogged about… because I’ve never really put a lot of thought into it. I just blog to fun things for myself that I want to remember.

She said she enjoyed the Things Shorty & Fatty Say a lot… because it gave an insight into me and Shorty’s lives. So with that in mind, here’s the latest two.

#328

Shorty is doing some stuff with Colgate lately and part of her engagement was to attend this Colgate briefing to learn about oral hygiene. She came back with a lot of trivia about our mouths that she was sharing with me.

Shorty: Did you know that it’s useless to rinse your mouth with mouthwash if you don’t brush your teeth? Apart from temporarily eliminating your bad breath?

Me: Really? Why?

Shorty: Because if you don’t brush your teeth, there’s still a lot of food stuff or sugar stuff stuck in there.

Me: Oh ….

Shorty: And sugar somehow reacts with the bacteria on your teeth and does this process called demirelazation….

Me: Did you mean demineralization?

Shorty: Ya that’s what I said.

Me: No… you said… demirelazation. C’mon Shorty… you can’t just make up words like that!

Shorty: HAHA! Ok so anyway… the sugar reacts with the bacteria within 5 minutes and you have like acid in your mouth that eats away at your teeth. That’s why toothpaste is alkaline, so that it neutralizes the acid.

Let me end with a picture of Shorty and me at the #Nuffnangis007  party last night. Check out the hashtag on Instagram for the tons of photos taken of the party last night. Barbecue Garden at Life Center is a really nice venue with great food too. Check it out. 

Have a great Sunday everyone!

#327

Shorty and I were in the cinema watching a movie. Before the movie started a trailer for the new 300 came on.

Shorty: Hey look it’s Fighter’s movie.

Me: Why is it Fighter’s movie?

Shorty: Because you know…. Maximus  (Fighter’s name is Jude Maximus Tiah).

Me: Maximus is not from 300. Maximus is from the movie Gladiator.

Shorty: Ah well… seen one Greek seen them all! *waves head in the air*

Me: Except that Maximus isn’t Greek. He’s Roman.

Shorty: Ah whatever! *waves hand again*