#46

At a wine shop waiting for my brothers and my dad to buy wine.

Shorty: Fatty how come you’re not very excited about alcohol wan ar?

Me: I also what! I bought this! *brings out bottle of Baileys*. Manly!

Shorty: Please Fatty… I drink Baileys.

Me: Well Shah loves Baileys too. See? Real men who are confident enough of their sexuality aren’t afraid to drink Baileys.

Shorty: Oohhh are you saying that your Dad and brothers are not confident of their sexuality? HOR HOR! *wags finger*

Me: You ah always twist my words!

#47

In the car some time ago.

Shorty: FATTY I NEED TO PEE!

Me: Okok we’re getting there.

Shorty: I think my bladder is going to burst already Fatty. I can’t take it.

Me: Ok la ok la this Shorty.

Shorty: Yes my Short bladder is going to burst.

Some time later.

Shorty: OMG Fatty I’m so hungry. I’m getting nauseas and I think I’m going to faint

Me: Ok ok we go find some food.

Shorty: I’m feeling weak.

Me: This Shorty ah no warning system in your body wan. Normal people gradually get hungry or gradually know that they need to pee. You just all of a sudden feel extreme need to go pee or extreme need for food and if you don’t get what you need in a few minutes you’re going to die. No middle ground wan!

Shorty: HAHA I don’t know why.

Last night after drinks with family

Me: *getting ready for a shower* … so you think what we talked about earlier was a good idea?

Shorty: Ah you go shower first. Talk when you finish.

5 minutes later

Me: *steps out of shower*

Me: *thinks to self* eh where is this Shorty… suddenly disappear… where did she go… hmmm

Me: *walks around room and finds Shorty tucked comfortably in bed*

Me: Look at this Short Person! So fast suddenly fall asleep with no warning! *ruffles hair*

Shorty: nnghrmmhrgnmm *grumble* So tired… can’t take it.

Me: You weren’t tired 5 minutes ago!

#43

We were touring a temple in Bali that was full of monkeys.

Tour Guide: Careful of the monkeys here ok? This morning 5 tourists lost their sunglasses and a cap to a monkey.

Me: Oh how many monkeys are there here?

Tour Guide: About 400 or so.

We come across a shade.

Tour Guide: There that’s a monkey there do you see?

Me: Uhh… *confused*

Shorty: *confused*

Tour Guide: There there over there!

Shorty: OH HAHA! *whispers* Fatty at first I thought he was saying this guy sleeping here was a monkey.

Me: HAHA yeah me too.

#44

Walking around the temple

Me: Aiyo Shorty everything you come near me you poke me with your umbrella! Can’t even stand next to you properly. Don’t hold your umbrella so low lah!

Shorty: I’m short lah!

#45

Shorty reading a racist joke on Reddit.

Shorty: How do you know an Asian has robbed your house?  You come back and your floor is mopped, your clothes are washed, your homework done and they’re still trying to back out of your garage.

Me: ….

Shorty: Why is it people think that Asians are bad drivers? Don’t they watch Infinity D?

Me: Infinity D?

Shorty: Yah that Infinity D…

Me: Initial D.

Shorty: Oh yeah haha.

#41

Back at room after some drinks with my family.

Me: I think I am red.

Shorty: *looks over* HAHA stupid looking ah this Fatty…  like a tomato. Tomato Tiah.

Me: … Oh shit I left my iPad downstairs. I go get it.

Shorty: The beaming red light is leaving the room.

#42 

We’re staying at this place called Legian in Bali.

Shorty: Do you know what Legian means?

Me: What?

Shorty: It’s french for le-gian…

Me: *puts on French accent* The French… the French have a bomb too. Ah… maybe they have the Michelin bomb, only destroys restaurants under 4 stars. (after a Robin Williams comedy stint I watched some time back).

#39

Shorty and I had to wake up really early this morning to catch a flight to Bali for a family trip. I woke up in our dark room first.

Me: Shorty… wake up *nudge*

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: Wake up Shorty. We need to leave in 30 minutes.

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: SHORTY! *nudges*

Shorty: YOU STEAL MY BLANKET LAST NIGHT UNTIL I GOT NO BLANKET!!

Me: *looks over* WHERE GOT? You’re so well covered what!

Shorty: I just pulled it back from you! *goes back to sleep*

#40

I need to give you guys a bit of a background before we start on this one. Now one of the things Shorty likes is when I tickle the palm of her hand with my fingers.

She especially asks me to do that when we’re watching a movie or just before she falls asleep.

So today in the airplane waiting for it to take off.

Shorty: Tickle me! *stretches out right palm*

Me: OK!  *tickles her ribs instead*

Shorty: Oh you think you’re funny huh? *tickles back*

Me: NU NU NUUuuuu *spasms from the tickling*

Shorty: HAHA why you spasm like that? You look like you’re having a fit.

Me: Haha no la no la…

*5 minutes later*

Shorty: Did you know that your saliva smells like asshole?

Me: How do you know that?

Shorty: Just lick your finger and smell it la.

Me: I know how my saliva smells like. I mean how do you know how asshole smells like?

Shorty: When you were a kid sometimes you scratch your ass then you smell lah…

Me: Well I never do that…

Shorty: Don’t bluff!

Me: No never.

Shorty: BLUFF!

Me: No never.

Shorty: *licks finger* Nah come smell my finger. *puts finger under my nose*

Me: *violently cocks head other way* I DON’T WANNA SMELL ASSHOLE LAHH!!!

*people in our section of the plane fall silent for a while*

Me: *whispers* Shorty. I think the guys sitting in front of us heard us.

Shorty: Yah… they must be thinking that I have my ass out trying to force you smell my asshole.

#36

Picking up Shorty to go for lunch. I drive up and see her waiting for me by the road side. I pull up to her and wind down my window.

Me: HALO CIK, berapa satu malam? (Hello miss, how much for a night?)

Shorty: *gives middle finger* FUCK YOU!!

#37

At home in our study room. I walk over to Shorty’s study table and see her drinking water like this.

Me: WAH WHAT IS THIS ?!? This Short person ah! Don’t know how to drink water like a lady. Must take the whole jug and then gulp down like a Mafia boss huh?

Shorty: What what? It’s easier mah.

#38 

In the car while Shorty is reading her book.

Shorty: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: What what?

Shorty: Remember the movie Cloud Atlas? I’m reading the book now and the author is really damn good. Remember the bar scene where the Scottish guy asked the rest for help. The author wrote it in such a way when you say the words it sounds like a Scottish accent.

Me: Really? Try me.

Shorty: “Are there nor trrruuue Scortsmen in tha hooossse?”. HAHAH

Me: HAHA! Sounds just like it.

Shorty: “Those there English gerrrrunts are trampling o’er ma God-gi’en rrraights!”.

Me: “Those there English grunts are tramlping o’er”….

Shorty: No Fatty it’s gerrrrrunts.

Me: “Those there English gerrrunts are trampling o’er ma God-gi’en rrraights!”.

Shorty: Haha yes now you sound Scottish.

#35

Comes back at midnight after playing golf.

Shorty: *taps foot and looks at imaginary watch on her wrist* Wah this Fatty play golf until so late huh?

Me: HEHEHE… no la I was talking to Pierre for a while also after golf. I go shower first.

15 minutes later I’m sitting on my bed blogging while Shorty is getting ready for bed.

Shorty: AIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Me: What what? What happened?

Shorty: I KICKED A COCKROACH !!!

Me: Oh… ok la…

Shorty: It’s dead… I kicked a dead cockroach.

Me: Ok pick it up and throw it away la.

Shorty: AIEEEEEE I THINK I TOUCHED IT!!!

Me: C’mon Shorty!

Shorty: *flushes cockroach down toilet* AIEEEEEE IT’S NOT GOING DOWN.

Me: It will la… be patient.

#34

Dinner time at our place. Shorty is preparing some food at the dining table. I pull my chair back without realizing her foot is in the way of the chair. So I go over it.

Shorty: ARRRRGGHHHH!!! FATTY!!! WHY YOU ALWAYS HURT ME LIKE THAT WAN! BE MORE CAREFUL LA… I TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES ALREADY.. BE MORE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS LA! *when Shorty  speaks, her voice is low… but when she scolds, she does so in a very high-pitched voice*

Me: I didn’t know mah I’m just pulling my chair back like normal what am I supposed to do. How I know your foot is there?

Shorty: Be more aware la! Of course my foot is there. You always knocking me around one.

Me: Ok la ok la sorry la.

*starts to eat dinner while watching a scene in Lost where Sun is giving birth*

Me: Wah when you see things like this, do you get scared of child birth?

Shorty: No.. just knock me out completely.

*Shorty gets up to get some soup and gives me a stare on the way up*

Shorty: I haven’t forgiven you yet.

Me: Aiyo this Shorty… look at this Shorty. Aiyo aiyo aiyo see that face. Look at that face? Let me get my phone and take a picture of this face.

Me: Aiyo aiyo look at this face.. so grumpy… so annoyed. Look here at the camera.

Shorty: Don’t talk to me. I’m still angry at you.

#30

In the cinema just before Life of Pi starts.

Shorty: Fatty have you seen this video of a Hippopotamus with diarrhea?

Me: No but something tells me I don’t want to see that video.

In case any of you are interested, she was referring to this video.

#31
In the backseat of my sister’s car going for lunch.

Me: *pinches Shorty’s stomach* OOooh… fat huh this Shorty?

Shorty: *pinches my stomach back* OH please… nothing compared to this muffin top over here.

#32 

So this weekend has been a really busy weekend for Shorty. In case you missed the newsflash, Shorty and Cheesie got together to start a new label called Foruchizu. They’ve just began selling it at Isetan in KLCC just a week ago and it’s been a lot of fun (Apart from a few people apparently stealing the iPhone cases they had on sale there). This weekend though they’ve been really busy with events there. Starting with a fashion show on Saturday where they paraded Foruchizu outfits.

Just before the fashion show started she messaged me.

Then before I knew it, a small figure bopped up and down the catwalk and I saw my Shorty come up on this little podium.

After the event..

Me: Remember last time I went for this pitching event thing and you said you felt nervous for me just before I went up on stage? I felt that too. Just before you came out on the catwalk I was feeling damn nervous ah… almost as if I was the one going up there to do the catwalk.

Shorty: Haha was I ok?

Me: Of course Shorty. You were fantastic! Now lets quickly go home.

Shorty: Why?

Me: It’s not every day I get to make out with a model. And I can’t do that here. LETS GO!

If you haven’t checked out Foruchizu at Isetan KLCC…. go already!!!

#29

Out at a mall.

Me: Eh Shorty go buy me a plaster for my blister.

Shorty: Don’t need to buy la I already got at home.

Me: You sure ah!

Shorty: Yes la!

Next morning

Me: Shorty I need that plaster.

Shorty: *searches bag* Nah here.

Me: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! THIS IS NOT A PLASTER! HOW CAN I WEAR THIS TO WORK!

Shorty: Heh heh … sorry… I always buy these kind of plasters and I thought I had a normal plaster but I don’t.

#28

So we decided to go swimming together yesterday.

Shorty: Did you know that if you hold your breath, you will float no matter what?

Me: *Holds breath and drops motionless into water. After 5 seconds starts floating to the top*

Shorty: HAHAHAHA!!!! You look like a piece of shit floating in a toilet.

Later on while still swimming.

Me: Come Shorty, you stay on your float with your upper body and I push you around from the back.

Shorty: No dowan dowan!

Me: Why? It’s fun. Like a train ride.

Shorty: Dowan.. you sure dunk me wan.

Me: I won’t la. That’s not my intention.

Shorty: You say wan ah? If you dunk me I’ll divorce you.

Me: That’s a little extreme don’t you think?

Shorty: Just so you know how serious I am.

Me: Ok fine fine.

*Pushes Shorty around the pool*

Shorty: WOOO!!!! SO FUN!!!! WOOOoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Me: See? Fun right? Threaten to divorce me some more.

Shorty: HAHA!!! Okok.. come my turn. I push you.

Me: Ok. *gets in position with float*

Shorty: *pushes and hums Mission Impossible theme*

Me: Shorty the theme song sounds exciting and all but look how slow I’m moving. The theme song should be Mr Bean.