#65

At LCCT catching a flight to Bangkok to spend the New Year’s there. Shorty is dressed shabbily and wearing her ugly specs because she doesn’t like wearing any form of make-up when she’s getting on a plane. Going through security checkpoint.

Shorty: SHITTTTT I FORGOT…

Me: What what?

Shorty: *rummages through bag*

Me: What’s wrong?

Shorty: *brings out some bottled drink and gulps it down*

Me: This Shorty ah. *goes through metal detector*

Airport Security Guard: Sir please take off your belt and put it through the X-ray.

Me: Oh ok.

After security checkpoint

Me: I don’t like having to take off my belt.

Shorty: Well thank Osama for that Fatty.

#66

Finding a seat in the departure hall.

Salesgirl: Excuse me ma’am would you like to try our new fragrance?

Shorty: No thanks.

Shorty: *whispers* Do I look like the kind of person who cares what kind of perfume I wear?  *points at her ugly glasses and shabby clothes*

 

Me: Yeah… perfume isn’t going to help you look much more attractive when you’re dressed like that.

Shorty: HAHA!

#67

After our flight

Me: Shorty want me to show you something?

Shorty: What?

Me: Here’s my lip balm.

Shorty: Okay then?

Me: Tadaa!

Shorty: Huh? How did you end up with two?

Me: Well it’s like that. When I was packing up to leave the plane I noticed my lip balm on the floor in front of me. I picked it up thinking it was mine but now I think that actually belongs to the guy in front of me. I almost didn’t realize it until I was just about to apply it on my lips when I realized the shape was a bit different.

Shorty: Ewwww….

Me: I don’t know what to do with this now Shorty. I mean I can’t find the rightful owner who dropped it and it’s a waste to throw it away. At the same time it’s really disgusting for me to use it right?

Shorty: Nevermind give me I use.

Me: Ewww no. I’m gonna throw it away.

#62

At Shorty’s house chilling in her bedroom with my laptop on my lap.

Shorty: Come Fatty lets go downstairs say hello to my parents.

Me: Ok wait wait I’m sending off an email.

Shorty: Come lets go.

Me: Wait ah.

Shorty: *turns off light and leaves room*

Me: Da fuq? I’m still here!

#63

Shorty: Fatty see my NuffnangX profile description. Heh heh.

Me: Oooh Shortly huh.

#64

Walking around my room when I see this.

Me: Oi Shorty why you always leave your clothes around wan.

Shorty: Oh hehe.

Me: It looks like a Shorty was standing here and now she’s raptured, leaving her clothes behind. Gone back to the Mothership.

#61

Walking around Pavilion looking for a place to have dinner. Shorty’s favourite two restaurants in Pavilion is Ichiban Boshi and Marutama Ramen (Both Japanese restaurants… wow what a surprise!).

Me: Hmm what should we eat….

Shorty: *cuddles on my shoulder*

Me: FINE…. which of the two?

Shorty: This one *points* at Ichiban Boshi*

#59

Singing one of our favorite Les Miserables song while walking to our car after Bak Kut Teh

Me: *sings* Do you hear the people sing … singing the song of angry men… *sings* then what ah?

Shorty: *sings* It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again…*sings*

Me: Wah you really have a talent for remembering lyrics huh. Even lyrics that aren’t in English or not even a language.

Shorty: Like what?

Me: Like *sings* Ba ba ba ba ba na na *sings*

Shorty: *sings bridge* Yo plano hu, la pa no no tu, ma banana like a nupi talamu banana ba ba… ba ba banana

Me: Potatooooohhhh!!!

Me/Shorty: HAHAHA!

#60

In a dark room about to fall asleep last night.

Me: *moves around the bed*

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: *moves around some more*

Shorty: Stay still I’m trying to sleep.

Me: For some reason I feel very hyper right now. Can’t seem to sleep.

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: I don’t know why… what did I drink or eat just now… why so hyper…

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: Maybe I should go and do something else.

Shorty: *ignores*

Me: Hmm… maybe I shouldn’t force myself to sleep.

Shorty: *moves aside* Ok go!

Me: Go where?

Shorty: Go do something else… get out of bed so you don’t disturb me from sleeping.

Me: Nah it’s ok. I think I’ll stay here and try to sleep again.

Shorty: Ok…

Me: *moves around bed again*

Shorty: Fatty stay still lah! I’m trying to sleep and you keep moving around making all this noise and talking so much! After I pass my sleepy phase then I cannot sleep already!

Me: Okokok *stays still*

30 seconds later

Me: Shorty…..

Shorty: *mumbles* Shut the fuck up.

#56

*Woke up this morning freezing cold*

Me: *Thinks to self* Shit why the blanket so short one… I don’t remember it being so short. Maybe long time since I’ve slept on my bed at home in Penang.

Me: *gets up and looks at my side of the bed.

Me: *looks at Shorty’s side*

Me: WHAT IS THIS SHORTY TAKING ALL MY BLANKET! Such a short person taking all the blanket from the one who needs it the most!

#57

The day before

Shorty: Fatty I think I’m falling sick. My nose a bit stuffy. Don’t share my drink with me.

Me: No problem la Shorty… since when I afraid of you infecting me. If you get sick we get sick together!!! *gulps down drink*.

Next morning

Me: Shorty I think I’m sick…

#58

Walking in Gurney Plaza after lunch

Shorty: I’m tired… I wanna go home. Feeling sleepy and sick la.

Me: Ok la ok la we wait for my brother to come then we go ok?

Shorty: Noo I’m tired… *pauses outside this shop*

Shorty: OOH SALE! *runs around the shop like an Energizer Bunny*.

Me: This Shorty ah! Say tired then see sale suddenly full of energy already huh!

Shorty: HEHEHE. Eh Fatty this shirt nice huh?

Me: Yeah I saw it just now but too expensive la. RM100.

Shorty: Oh I’m buying one for myself. I thought it’s cute because we’re both geeks.

Me: OHHH the breadwinner of the family, the husband says too expensive to buy for himself but the wife can buy for herself la!

Shorty: Oh hehehe okokok I buy for you.

Me: Dowan. Expensive.

Shorty: Go go go! *pushes Fatty over*

5 minutes later

Me: Dowan buy la… the size I tried doesn’t fit and I’m lazy to try again. Expensive some more.

Shorty: Ok lorr

——-

Oh one more thing… MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

So today Shorty and I took Shorty’s grandmother (Ah Ma) out for a little Christmas dinner at a restaurant called Thai Thai in Sunway Pyramid. Note that Ah Ma doesn’t speak English… only Hokkien so all the conversations involving her below actually take place in Hokkien but I’m translating it to English.

#56

Shorty: *helps herself to my serviette and wipes her mouth with it after dropping her own* 

Me: *STARES* Sccuze me? What am I supposed to wipe my mouth with now?

Shorty: Ohh hehe sorry sorry I thought you wiped your mouth with it already.

Me: Doesn’t that make it even more disgusting then that you take my used serviette to wipe your mouth?

Shorty: Oh ya hehehe.

During dinner. 

Ah Ma: Why no customers one this restaurant?

Shorty: Uhh Ah Ma from your side it looks empty. But look right behind you.

After dinner we walk around a bit and look at some watches at City Chain.

Ah Ma: Wah the watches all so big. (Ah Ma came from a time where the faces of watches were smaller).

Ah Ma: But big also good ah… easier to see the time. How much is this watch?

Shorty: About RM11,000.

Ah Ma: HAR?!?! Got diamond ah??

Shorty: No just a watch.

Ah Ma: SIAO! (crazy)

1 minute later

Ah Ma: *looks at the sales girl who’s dressed very tomboyish and with short hair* You think this person is a boy or girl?

Shorty: Girl.

Ah Ma: No he’s a boy.

Shorty: No she’s a girl Ah Ma. See how small size she is?

Ah Ma: Your Dad also small size but nobody thinks he’s a girl!

While waiting for an elevator.

Ah Ma: Wah this elevator door very big.

Shorty: Haha yeah.

After a few minutes wait.

Ah Ma: This elevator will come only when got many people here waiting with us.

Shorty: Huh? Why?

Ah Ma: Of course la! You think the elevator is going to come just for you ah?

#54

Chilling in our bedroom when suddenly I hear Shorty blasts this music in the next room.

Shorty suddenly marches into my room to the music.

Shorty: *sings* DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING… SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY MEN! *sings*

Me: OI soldier! What is this price tag on your back?

Me: Been wearing this whole day also don’t notice ah!

Shorty: Oh hehe *shy*

Thanks for all the encouraging comments in the previous post guys. Totally motivated to do more now. Ok ok will keep Things Shorty & Fatty say up to #100!!

#52

Coming down an escalator, I hug Shorty and shake her side to side.

Me: My little Shorty… this little organism. *ruffles hair*

Shorty: Organism? You mean like an amoeba?

Me: No that’s a microorganism… I just meant any organism.

Shorty:  Amoeba… so I can just split and replicate. *pretends to be an Amoeba and wobbles around*

Me: This stupid Shorty ah…

Shorty: Why don’t you make like an amoeba and SPLIT!

Me: Haha funny girl.

Shorty: Why don’t you put an egg in your shoe and BEAT IT! HAHA

Me: Ohhh!

Shorty: Why don’t you throw your map away and GET LOST! HAHA

Me: Ohhh on a roll huh this Shorty?

Shorty: Why don’t you make like a tree and LEAF? HAHAHA

Me: Quite the joker huh this Short person. All this learn from somewhere or thought about it yourself?

Shorty: Some I read from somewhere and some I made up myself one.

Me: So annoying.

#53

Back at home reading more “why don’t you make like a…” jokes.

Shorty: Why don’t you make like a hockey player and get the PUCK OUTTA HERE… HAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: HAHAHAHA

Shorty: Why don’t you make like a bird and FLOCK OFF!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

#51

On the plane back from Bali.

Shorty: Fatty you want my cake?

Me: No thanks.

Shorty: Really?

Me: Yes… really! *annoyed*

Shorty: But I thought fatties want cake.

Me: Precisely why I don’t want it.

———-

PS: Wow just noticed I’ve crossed the 50 mark in Things Shorty & Fatty Say. In such a short time too. What do you guys think of it so far?

#48

Alone in our bedroom last night when I hear Shorty coming up the stairs. I run to a certain part of the room but before I get there Shorty opens the door. I freeze.

Shorty: What…?

Me: What what?

Shorty: Why you look so guilty?

Me: I don’t look guilty….

Shorty: Why!

Me: Nothing….

Shorty: Tell me! Why were you standing in the middle of the room!

Me: No reason…

Shorty: TELL ME!

Me: Okok… I wanted to hide behind the curtains but didn’t get there in time.

Shorty: HAHA this stupid!

#49

In the living room of our villa in Bali.

Shorty: I think I need to poop.

Me: Me too!

Shorty: NO I said first!

Me: Well good luck getting there first *bounces up from chair and starts running to the room*

Shorty: *follows running*

We both run to the toilet and whiz past my father.

Shorty/Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dad: OI DON’T RUN LIKE THAT YOU ALL!!! After you fall down.

*10 minutes later*

Dad: So who made it first to the toilet?

Me: I did *smug*

Shorty: Eeeeyer cheater!

Dad: You both ar… still behaving like children running around like that.

#50

Listening to this song this morning.

Shorty: Do you know where this song is from?

Me: From uhh.. Christmas?

Shorty: Christmas where?

Me: Merry Christmas Christmas?

Shorty: No… it’s quite new one this song. From where is it from?

Me: I dunno.

Shorty: The Grinch!

Me: SACRE BLEU I NEVER KNEW! I thought all Christmas songs just magically appear in our lives!