Today marks 4 years that I’ve been married to my dear wife Audrey Ooi Feng Ling aka Shorty. 4 years doesn’t feel that long considering we’ve been together for 7 years now but I feel so much has changed in our relationship.
Marriage, moving in together and having kids each are their own catalyst to a change in your relationship and Shorty and mine has evolved a lot in these past 7 years.
Before I got married, I used to hear a lot about how being married was like and to my surprise what I’ve experienced so far is really different. Here’s what.
- You lose all your freedom when married.
This is the one thing I used to hear so much. My married friends would tell me to enjoy the freedom I had for once I got married all that will disappear. I didn’t find a big change in this department.
I mean if my freedom to go around and play single had disappeared, it disappeared not at the point of marriage but at the point I started a serious relationship with Shorty. Married or not we had a commitment and marriage was just a piece of paper that could in the first few years be annulled without too much of a trouble.
So I didn’t feel there was a huge jump here from single to marriage. Shorty and I are quite open too. Some nights she goes out and some nights I go out, although most nights you can find us both at home watching Netflix.
2. Your in-laws are going to stress you out.
The saying goes that you choose your wife but you don’t choose the family she comes with. So you’re bound to run into some conflict here and there.
I can understand how in-laws sometimes puts a strain on a marriage (and it works both ways) but in my experience I’ve found it quite manageable. I found it easier to understand when I remembered that it wasn’t just me that didn’t get to pick my wife’s family. My wife’s family too didn’t get to pick me.
I can’t predict the future neither do I want to jinx anything but I can happily say that we do get along really well now.
3. Your expenses go up
Yep this part is true. Even without kids I find that my expenses go up because I start paying for two in the household now but to be fair I was doing it even before we were married.
The good thing is that while I’m supporting four (back then it was just two) and it costs more, I happen to spend less on myself because I have less time for myself. Which brings me to the next point.
4. You have less time for yourself.
Yep. I do have less time for myself. Suddenly there is the commitment of spending time with your wife (eventually your kids), your family and your in-laws. But the truth is I don’t really feel it. I don’t take it as less time for myself but just a different way of me spending time.
Plus it’s not like I stop doing anything for myself. I still do. Just less.
5. You’re going to wish you were single.
Not really. Well the truth is being married and having the support and company of a great wife more than makes up for the stuff my single friends can do. I won’t deny though that sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to be single again but when I do I fulfill it by hearing stories of my single friends and their adventures. It’s like I live vicariously through them.
So yeah overall… 4 years married and loving it.
Happy Anniversary Shorty!
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space