I’ve never thought of myself to be the type that felt claustrophobic. Once we were in Hong Kong Disneyland Hotel and there was a garden maze we were playing in. Shorty got lost in the maze for a while and said she felt claustrophobic. I didn’t get it… because I didn’t.
It was not until December last year when I felt like that for the first time.
After a medical checkup the doctors found a cyst in my pancreas. Having a cyst is usually no big deal but if it’s on the pancreas all doctors tell you to take it really seriously. So I went to see a specialist who told me I could do an MRI. Upon suggesting an MRI he asked “You’re not claustrophobic are you?”.
I said no. I mean I’ve never known what it felt like to be claustrophobic to begin with.. so no. I’ve never felt it.
I happily booked my MRI and showed up on the morning totally fine. I don’t like most medical procedures that involved needles but I wasn’t worried about this one. After all it’s just staying still and not doing anything. I’ve done an MRI before many years ago but that just was on my knee so I never really went into the machine.
This time though I lay down and they inserted me head first into the machine. I was in so deep I think my feet barely stuck out.
Deeper than this if I remember correctly.
As I lay down and looked around the tunnel I was in, something hit me. The doctor’s comment about whether I was claustrophobic…. the more I thought about it the more I thought that maybe I was. Suddenly I felt like sitting up but I couldn’t. I was stuck in this tunnel that was making really loud weird noises.
I was just about to press the emergency button and irritate the technician manning the machine when I decided to do one thing.
I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Then I reminded that it was all in the mind. Right there and then, I suddenly felt in control again…. and I was able to sit (well kinda lay down) through the entire 30 minutes.
I won’t say I’ve overcome my fear completely. I went for an MRI recently and asked them this time to slot me feet in first so it didn’t feel too bad.
This instance to me was a reminder about the role the mind plays in all our fears and challenges. Every time we’re cycling up a hill, or facing stress at work, or dealing with heartbreak… the mind plays with us and the sooner we can find the discipline and the will to arrest it, the sooner we have control of our bodies once again.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space