When Fighter first went to school it was heartbreaking for us. First, Fighter cried every single time we dropped him off at school and this went on for a month or more. Secondly we were afraid that Fighter would get bullied because he was really small for his age.
After 2 months of school, Shorty and I went to Fighter’s school for a parents-teachers meeting. This was a snippet of Fighter’s report card.
The teacher also commented that he knew his ABCs really well, was really good with following the beat of music and did well in many of the lessons.
After we left the school my wife told me that she was really proud of our two (and a half) year old. My response to my wife though was that Fighter was doing well not entirely because of his own doing, but because she raised him very well.
She looked puzzled until I explained to her the things that she knowing or unknowingly did. Here’s how my wife raises my son:
- She encourages him to speak proper English
Shorty doesn’t like it when we baby talk Fighter or Penny. She believes that we should treat our kids like they were adults and we should speak to them in the same manner. That means no baby words but proper sentences.
Once she caught me saying to Fighter “Jude want this?” and she corrected me. I ended up saying “Jude would you like to have this?”.
She believes that kids learn how to speak from us and if we’re not speaking properly, they can’t either.
2. When he cries, she encourages him to vent out his anger
The way I know how to discipline is the way my Father disciplined me. When I cried as a kid he would raise his voice until I was too afraid to cry. Initially that’s how I disciplined Fighter too.
Shorty took a different approach. She would first ask why he’s crying and ask him how he feels. When he indicates he feels angry then she tells him that he has 5 seconds to cry as loud as he wants to express his anger. When she’s done counting to 5 he has to stop crying, or he’ll go into the naughty corner.
Believe it or not, it now works every single time. Shorty counts to 5, Fighter screams his heart out for those 5 seconds and then total silence. He stops.
3. She nurtures his love for music
We’ve known for a while that Fighter loves music. Ever since he was a baby he would react positively to the sound of music. Either by dancing to it or trying to hum along.
Shorty encourages him to love music. She often sang to him when he was a baby and now that he’s older she would teach him to sing songs. He can actually sing lots of songs now, everything from the alphabet song, to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, to an Filipino childrens’ song called Bahay Kubu.
We find Fighter singing to himself quite often now. He can often be found in his car baby seat singing to himself while looking out the window.
4. She patiently teaches him the name of things and what they’re called
Shorty makes it a point to bring Fighter out for walks and to see different things. Every time she does she would tell him what a particular item they see is called and after she does, she would test him again to make sure he remembers it.
Now Fighter has a huge vocabulary and every time he sees something he doesn’t know the word for he’ll ask “Mommy… what’s this?”.
When Shorty tells him what it’s called he would repeat after her as if to memorize it.
5. She coaches him on how to ask for things politely.
When Fighter first started speaking with his limited vocabulary, he would get used to saying “Jude want <insert item here>”.
As he grew older though he kept saying “Jude want this” or “Jude want that”.
Shorty arrested that habit and taught him to say “May I have this please?”.
Now if he says “Jude want….” he doesn’t get it.
He has to say “May I have this please?” and he does.
6. She doesn’t force any of our adult prejudices on him
We suspect that Fighter’s favourite colour is pink. He also happens to love Hello Kitty. Our first instinct was to tell him that these things are for girls and that he shouldn’t like them. But Shorty didn’t want to “corrupt” him with our adult prejudice. As a child, she wanted him to like whatever he liked and not tell him what to like.
Another example is when it comes to cats. I hate cats. I can’t explain why but I suspect the fact that my mom hates cats too rubbed off on me. The first time Fighter went near a cat I said “NO!” and tried to pull him away.
Shorty held me back. She said that just because I hate cats, doesn’t mean I should condition him to hate it too. Let him explore and make his own decisions. If he hates something then he does. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t.
I now let him play with cats if he likes to.
7. She never trivializes any of his concerns
Along with the notion of treating babies like adults, Shorty never down plays anything that Fighter is upset about, even if we as adults think it’s a small matter. When he throws a tantrum or whines, she asks him what’s wrong, hears him explain it and then explain to him why it’s going to be okay.
8. She encourages him to taste the different pleasures in life
I confess, at the tender age of 2, my son has tasted Coke, ice-cream, all sorts of junk food and even coffee. We know it’s unhealthy but Shorty believes that exploring how different things taste is part of the joy of life and growing up. So we let him try all sorts of things, healthy or not but with moderation of course.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to raise a child. Every parent knows whats best for their own child and have their own way of raising. My key point is that while my wife is proud of how my son is, I am proud of how she has raised him. She is proud of him but I am proud of her.
I think she’s being an amazing mom with Fighter and I know she will be just as amazing with Penny too when she grows up.
PS: If you want to see how my wife interacts with our kids every day you can check out my wife’s YouTube videos on her channel here or on her Dayre here.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space