Here are some weekend thoughts.
I met up with a friend recently who was a bit heartbroken. He was really into this other girl but in the end he found that he didn’t exactly have everything she looked for in a guy. He didn’t fit her “criteria” so he didn’t stand a chance. It was disappointing … because he thought she was the one. She after all met all his criteria.
I told him outright that no she’s not the one and it’s mainly for these two reasons.
We don’t really know what we want.
Back when we were in college we used to have a list of things that we want in a future girlfriend or wife. Everything down to beauty to even long hair, or things like that. When you get married many years later and start looking back at that list of “criteria” you set out before you begin to realize it was a little naive of us to think that way.
Why? Because as much as we think we know what we want…. we don’t know what we want until we have it. The “one” isn’t defined by a list of “criteria” or a checklist but really by the way that person makes you feel and that’s hard to imagine if you haven’t felt it before.
Heck when i was in college my idea of a dream girl was someone like Jessica Rabbit (tall, big chested, long legs and long hair). My wife now is not necessarily big chested, she doesn’t have long legs… in fact she’s short and she doesn’t have long hair. But guess what… I’m happier than ever and I actually know she is the one. How do I know? Because of the way she makes me feel… not because of what she is.
The One is a person who feels the same way for you
That’s what a soul mate is all about right. It’s not a one directional thing. It has to be both ways. The other person must feel the same way about you than you about him or her. Disregarding everything that is in that criteria list.
I think everyone of us has a “one” or a soulmate but this soulmate isn’t necessarily perfect in the eyes of society.. but he’s definitely perfect for you. So I think some point in life we have to stop looking for someone that is deemed perfect in the eyes of everyone else but is perfect in the eyes of you. And guess what… if your girlfriend or wife feels like she’s the world to you then her added confidence will make others look on to her more like someone perfect in everyone’s eyes.
So if you’re hung up over someone who’s not into you…. don’t be. Because that person isn’t the one. In fact the right one is out there probably looking for you too.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space