Fighter turned one this week. That means I’ve had the privilege of being a father for a year now. Before you become a father a lot of people tell you different things about how you’re going to feel. How you won’t have time to do anything anymore, how you won’t get enough sleep and well the list goes on.
After a year of being a new father, this is what I notice.
1) You go out less at night
They say your life changes when you have a baby. You go out less and you have less freedom. What they don’t tell you though is that while you do go out less, it’s not because you have to. It’s because you want to go out less.
You look forward to going home after work to spend the last few hours with your baby before he/she goes to bed.
2) Just hearing the sound of a baby cry in a mall or restaurant makes you miss your baby
We’ve all been there. You’re walking around Midvalley when you suddenly hear the sound of a baby cry. You first start thinking “Hey that sounds just like my baby boy”. Then you start to think of your boy and miss him until you realize you’re being like a clingy mother when you’re actually a man. So you get a grip of yourself, grunt, spit on the floor and punch a wall.
3) You get used to waking up many times a night
One thing they tell you about having a baby for the first time is that you won’t get much sleep at night. That is true. But what they don’t say is that you eventually get used to it. You get used to waking up 3 times a night and walking around the zombie so much that you don’t feel as lethargic as you used to during the day.
4) You still try to avoid changing the diaper as much as you can
You’re not the only one. We all do. Tactics to avoid this range from calling out to your babysitter or maid to change it to waiting for mommy to come so she can smell it and change it. But when all that fails or when your wife tells you to just do it…. you do it anyway because you’re eager to prove to her that men can change diapers if we need to!
5) Working at home becomes really unproductive
You sit down with your laptop in your living room trying to send off those last few emails. Then your baby starts crying and so you have to run up and carry him. Once he settles down you feel like since he’s awake, might as well play with him.
Then after a while you remember you have work to do. So you go back and do your work, putting your baby next to you. He then crawls all over you and starts banging away on your keyboard making it impossible to get any work done.
6) You feel bad whenever you curse… even though you convince yourself that your baby didn’t understand it
You drop something on your foot then you go “FUCK!” and you hop on one foot holding the injured foot with your hands. Then you look around and see your baby sitting up looking right at you. You tell yourself that he probably didn’t understand the F word anyway and brush it off. Then you think “I hope he doesn’t”.
7) You never talk about it with your guy friends, but you’re actually an encyclopedia when it comes to parenting knowledge
You know lots about parenting not just because you Google it and read up about that stuff. But because your wife who does it much more than you always discusses them with you. Before you know it, you’re like a walking encyclopedia of babies but nobody knows it. Nobody knows because when you’re out with all your fellow father friends, you guys never talk about parenting tips or stuff like that. You leave it to the ladies. You instead talk about business, sports, games, hobbies… whatever. Anything but parenting tips.
8) Going home late makes you sad
Not because you don’t get enough sleep or anything. But because deep inside you know that if you go home late, your baby will be sleeping. You won’t get a chance to play or interact with him until the next day.
9) You worry about not being able to support your family
When you have a baby you realize shit just got real. You have a family that now depends on you to provide for them. That means less money for you to spend on that watch or that new gadget. And more money to save for diapers, medical fees, milk and oh yes.. who could forget… the impending school fees that will likely cost you a quarter of your house.
10) You realize the balance of power in your relationship with your wife has shifted.
If she wasn’t already the boss before your son or daughter was born, she is now.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space