I’ve been trying to keep my blog as a positive place and spread positive energy. I don’t know what inspired me to do that lately but I guess maybe it’s because reading the daily news in Malaysia lately seem to give us some things to be negative about. Inflation, GST coming, not winning the Thomas Cup, crime…. (and don’t let me get started on the other stuff).
On the flip side I think there’s plenty to be positive about too. Looking at my son laugh one day I just thought to myself about how nice it would be if I could always be happy like him.
So I sat down and thought about this, read many articles online (there are lots of literature on this topic) for inspiration about things that make us happy and this is what I personally felt resonated with me.
1) Be Generous
This is actually something I learned from my business partner Ming. When I say be generous I don’t mean just to everyone else around you but also to yourself. Sometimes we often guard too closely the money we have. Understandably so because the money we have is really finite but by doing so we forget to live life a little.
Forget that sometimes it’s okay to spoil ourselves. Forget that it’s okay to buy your friends a good steamboat dinner because what you get in return is their good company. And that it’s okay to spend a bit on a new experience be it traveling or even jumping out of a plane.
2) Just “Chiong”
I tend to overthink things. When I have important decisions to make I sometimes analyse the pros and cons in my head over and over again and that stresses me out. The worst part is that sometimes I spend 80% of my time worrying about a decision that would only impact my life at most 20%. And no matter how hard I think about it, there is no right or wrong answer. There is just what your heart tells you.
So to borrow a quote from my friend James… “Just Chiong”. Which is really a Hokkien version of Nike’s “Just Do It”.
The good news is that I haven’t actually regretted many decisions in life. Why? Partly because we move on regardless of these decisions that may be bad and partly because we never know what we’re missing anyway…. if anything.
3) Have an Optimum Amount of Money (and know when it’s enough).
Money makes us happy but there is an optimum amount. Surveys like this one say that optimum number for a person living in the USA is $75,000. Anything more doesn’t really add to happiness and in fact I think too much money causes stress and unhappiness too.
Look at what happened to these lottery winners once they won millions. But sure there are probably lottery winners out there who are perfectly happy too.
The thing about having too much money though is having to make decisions as to where to put it? Do you put it all in a bank? But that’s not the best way to get the best return for your money? You can invest it in the stock market but then you could lose money and then brings you stress. You could invest in property but that gives you a whole other level of stress having to manage that property.
Not to mention the dangers that come with too much money. Fears of being kidnapped, robbed, cheated… or even having long lost friends suddenly appear and ask to borrow money from you.
So to me there is an optimum amount of money. The actual number I believe is quite personal. Each of us would have a different optimum amount. So figure what that is and just get it.
4) Working out regularly
Studies have shown that exercise releases endorphins. I’ve never experienced this before in my life to be honest. In spite of all the time i’ve spent in the gym I’ve never felt a surge of happiness or a high of any sort after.
I did however start feeling it this year. When I go for my long distance cycling rides where I burn some 1,500-2,000 calories… I’m normally very very happy right after. Like I’m on some kind of high.
5) Have family, friends or a partner to have deep conversations with.
People have social needs. Some of us crave more social interaction, some less but we all need it at some point. Friends, family members, a girlfriend or a wife… all these things help fulfil our social needs.
What’s more important though is having deep conversations with these people. Share your joy with them or your problems… whichever applicable because life is all up and down and family and good friends are there to stay throughout.
Shorty gives me a lot of joy. She’s this really happy bubbly person that makes the silliest jokes sometimes but that all makes me laugh.
I also always talk to her about my problems and she always seems to know how to give me new perspective and I immediately get less stressed. Shorty is a source of my happiness and so is the rest of my family.
6) Knowing it’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters
I remember watching this movie last year called “About Time”. It’s about this guy who can travel back in time.
My favourite part of this movie is when he lived a normal work day that turned out to be a really stressful day. By the end of the day he was exhausted and really unhappy.
Then he went back in time and relived the exact same day where the exact same circumstances happened. This time he decided to take it more positively. He made jokes and laughed and made the best out of it. By the end of that day, he went to bed feeling tired but very very happy. When people say life is what we make of it… that’s exactly what this is about.
7) Forgive people
In life people do things to hurt us and we remember them for it. The truth is though that whether intentionally or unintentionally, we’ve all been responsible for hurting someone else at one point or another in our lives. It could be shouting at the Unifi customer service person about why you don’t have internet to saying something behind a friend’s back who we may not think would be hurtful but actually was.
That’s life. We hurt people and we get hurt. If we hurt people, we apologise. If we get hurt by people, we have to forgive. If we don’t forgive we will never ever move on.
BUT
Forgiving however is very different from forgetting. So forgive a person for hurting you or cheating you or causing any harm to you… but never ever forget.
8) Have no expectations
Expectations is the root of all disappointment. Yes there are good reasons to have high expectations, so we drive ourselves harder to achieve more.
But many times we forget that having expectations are the cause of disappointment. Which then leads to us being sad. The happiest people I know have the lowest expectations of anything they experience. I once went for a holiday with a friend and asked him what he was looking forward to.
He said “I have no expectations whatsoever. Lets just wing it”.
By the end of that holiday he was telling me that was the best holiday of his life. I said “You probably have many holidays right?” and he said “That’s true. Okay this is the best holiday of TODAY!”.
9) Surround yourself with Positive People
There are two things I like to believe. We are what we eat… and we are who we mix with. Birds of the same feather flock together. So if you hang out with very optimistic and positive people then you’ll be a really positive person yourself. If you hang out with negative people then that’s exactly how you’ll probably end up.
Of course how do you tell if someone is positive or negative. The truth is… it’s not too easy but there are some signs:
Positive people generally have these characteristics
– Often talk about how lucky they are and how grateful they are for what they have.
– Talk about positive things about the people they know. Sometimes refuse to see the negative things.
Negative people on the other hand generally have these characteristics:
– Often complain about their circumstances and how they deserve better but aren’t getting it.
– Generally complain or talk bad about people they know. Sometimes refuse to see the positive things.
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These are things I could come up with. What else do you think makes you happy?
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space