Before I start on this blog post, I have something to show you guys.
NICE OR NOT MY T-SHIRT?!?
Haha I saw it when I was in Japan town in San Francisco and immediately picked it up. I have this little infatuation for Domokun. If you ever come by our office you’ll see me walking around in these slippers.
Shorty bought it for me two years ago coincidentally at Japan Town in San Francisco as well and I’ve been wearing it since. Not only is it awesome-looking but it keeps my feet really really warm too.
Anyway ok on to the main part of my post. I was just checking my Formspring today… something I haven’t had the time to check at all in months. Yes I’m sorry… I’ve been left many questions that went unanswered and I can’t seem to get down to actually answering them all and I’m sorry for that.
So I logged in today and I saw this question.
I was going about to respond to it when I decided that maybe I should just do a blog post about it. Yes it is the age-old question and society’s expectation… that when a man brings a woman out he should pay for everything. Or he ain’t no man right?
Well I kinda have a really different thought to that.
See to me, a relationship is a pretty strong word. How do you know that you’re in a relationship? What do you physically do or …. what is the thing a man and a woman could do that says the most about their relationship together. No it’s not hugging, it’s not kissing and it’s not even sex. To me… it’s holding hands. You can go to Zouk on a Saturday night and see a couple who just met kissing, hugging and doing all of the above after that. But you will never see a couple who just met… walk and hold hands in public.
So to me when a couple walks and holds hands in public… you know that SHIT JUST GOT SERIOUS.
What is a relationship then? It’s past courtship. A relationship is the conscious decision that a guy and a girl make to commit to spend time together… whether physically or over the phone. It’s almost a promise that for as long as this relationship lasts, each will be there for the other. And as long as the relationship lasts… both will go through the continuous struggles of putting aside differences.
So a relationship is two-way (or at least I think that couples in two-way relationships are happiest).
Now I bring us back to the initial question. Should a guy pay for everything in a relationship?
My answer to that is… it depends. It depends on the dynamics of the relationship and it depends on the economic circumstances of either side. If the guy is earning more, then by all means let the guy pay. If the girl is earning more… then yes let the girl pay. After all why does it matter? What’s important is that nobody takes anyone for granted and everyone is happy! If we spend too much time as a couple bickering over who should pay for what…. we end up forgetting to enjoy the journey of the relationship. That… is a bigger waste than the cost of a dinner or 10 dinners.
Do I pay for Shorty? Yes most of the time I do because so far I earn more from her. We always joked though that if she does Foruchizu and makes much more money than me then she will be the one paying for me.
Still Shorty likes to pay every now and then and it doesn’t matter the amount. It’s only the thought that matters. When we go for a steak dinner, I’ll pay. But when we go eat my favourite pork noodle in Imbi, she pays. Whatever it is… we’re both happy.
So put all expectations aside and just enjoy the relationship. Because would you rather have an abundance of happiness in your life? Or an abundance of money? I would pick an abundance of happiness any day.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space