Pre-note: I got inspired to write this entry after a conversation I had with a friend today.
When I was a kid, I remember this book being passed around the house.
I never read it until many years later when I was 17 but even now I can’t remember what the book was all about… apart from the obvious. Whenever I think of how to be happy in life though, the image and the memory of this book keeps coming to mind.
If you think about it, “Being Happy” is what everyone on Earth lives life for. We want to be happy and we pursue what we think will make us happy. Whether it’s love, money, career, respect or even legacy. I’ve always asked myself what makes ME happy and it’s a combination of things. Sure a part of it is money. Money is after all a facilitator to acquire experiences in life. Whether it’s to eat in a new restaurant, to go sky diving, traveling, living in a beautiful home or even driving a car that you love. All these are experiences and money helps you get them. But that’s not all of it.
Being loved and having someone to love is a bigger part of it (family & gf). Life is full of experiences, ups and downs and it’s the kind of thing you’d always want to have someone to sail through it with. Another part of it is doing what I love… and for that I’m lucky because I love my job.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone though is having all the things he needs to be happy and yet be unhappy. In my short 27 years of life so far, I’ve realized that it happens… when we compare ourselves with others.
It’s something we all grew up with. In school, whatever work we have done is put into a grade. Everyone is awarded a score of 0-100 in all the exams they do that so-called determines how smart you are compared to your friends. Then teachers and parents compare away. They even go as far as to put in your position in class or form. Perhaps that’s why today we’re conditioned to think that a number can determine how successful someone is in life. In school it was marks, in real life… maybe it’s money.
My father always told me that a successful man or woman is not one who makes the most money. But one who lives a good life, has a good family, good friends, good health and peace of mind. Many years ago I visited the house of one such successful man. Let me name him Jeff. Jeff was rich… at least by my standards. He lived in a beautiful bungalow house, 4 luxury cars and most importantly… he had a wonderful family. The lovely kids he had in his home and the wonderful bond they had made their house a home. It was a life I wished someday I would have. But Jeff wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy because he never stopped comparing his wealth to the wealth of his wealthier friends.
This could happen to any of us if we let it. Imagine your dream is to one day own a BMW M3 or if you’re a girl, maybe to be able to open a Chanel bag one day. You work hard and when you finally get it you feel really happy. Then you look around you and your wealthier friends start buying Porsches or carrying Hermes Berkins. Before you know it, you don’t feel as proud or happy as you thought you would be… not because you don’t love what you have… but because the people around you have something you think is better.
If we spend all our time looking at the people around us, we lose precious time we could’ve used instead to stop and appreciate the wonderful things we have in our own lives. There’s a saying that goes “The richest man is not the one who has most, but the one who needs least”.
I have a lot of things to be grateful for in my life and most of us do. Even if you have the simple luxury of being able to eat out any time with good friends you can call out then you have a good life to be grateful for.
There’s another plus side to not comparing ourselves with others. The day we can stop comparing ourselves to our friends is the day we can start to feel happy for them too. That’s a whole new level of happiness. Last weekend my best friend whom I’ve known and kept in touch with for 24 years got married to a beautiful girl.
It was the sweetest and the most fun wedding I had ever been a part of.
Part of the fun was because it was in Penang so I met lots of my old Penang friends there like Ivy and Cynthia here.
Perhaps even part of it was because I was one of his Best Men and as much as I hate to admit it, I had fun when the Best Men and Bridesmaids did our very own version of “Chris Brown- Forever”‘ dance down the aisle.
Inspired by this viral video.
But mostly because of the moment I saw my friend and his wonderful bride walking down the aisle. I felt sincere happiness for my friend that he had found a someone awesome to live life with. And in feeling that happiness for my friend, I was happy.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space