Did you know that the average person farts 12-18 times a day? Everyone has a fart story somehow, either stories where they fell victim to the stench or when they got away with it. I know a particular someone who is known to fart in the car, turn off the air-con, lock the windows and laugh “HAHAHA!!!” while the other person suffered.
I though that was funny and I decided to try it on Kitteh one day. Our car was at the Taman Tun traffic light waiting when I farted, shut off the air-con and locked the windows. She didn’t suffer quietly. She unlocked the windows (since the switch was in the middle), stuck her head out and used her hands to frantically fan the gas from inside the car out. All this drama while the family in the adjacent car looked on at us. I think I remember a grandmother in the back seat shaking her head.
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So last night I was sitting up in bed with my legs crossed one and my laptop right in front of me, thinking of what to blog. It was the end of a really long day and there I was in my shorts and a t-shirt that I bought in Penang some 10 years ago for RM5. The trusty t-shirt had been washed some 5,000 times in the past year and it’s only gotten more comfortable.
Suddenly I felt an urge to fart. I looked around the room. I was alone. Nothing like having your own private fart with nobody around so you don’t have to say “excuse me” or pretend that it wasn’t you. I leaned to one side and let the gas go. Right after that Kitteh appeared being all cute and manja. She saw me on the bed sitting down and she ran straight for me shouting “ARRRrrrrrr!!!!” (not sure what the Arr means but it’s just one of her many expressions) attempting to hug me only to fall short and bury her head in my lap instead. Thinking that she was feeling dazed from her slight “miscue”, she lay still on my lap and said “Wanna puke wanna puke”.
Some 2 seconds later, her brain identified the smell the nose was sending to it and she realized what was going on. “FUUUuuuuuuccckkkkk YOU FARTED!!!!”. She rolled off the bed and fell on the floor. Then she stood up again and looked at me with eyes that said “I KEEL YEW!”. We looked at each other for a few seconds, then we both burst out laughing for the next 30 seconds.
That’s a recent fart story we had. What’s yours?
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space