Li Tat has these two big dogs in his house, both golden retrievers who look some sort like this.

One of them which was named Smuffy was the friendly one and allowed to go out to mingle with the guests. The other one was a dog we never saw. Whenever guests came to the house, they would hide him in the back because he was crazy and very aggressive. You know the kind that would not only chase the mail man but bite off an ass cheek or something.

So while we were all sitting outside the house talking Smuffy (the friendly one) was being her usual friendly-self. She would come up to us and wait for us to pat her and then just sit around us and be quiet.

Suddenly though, the neighbour next door started shooting up some really loud fireworks. The sky lit up and all of us stopped talking for a while and went “Woahh!”.

Smuffy on the other hand who happened to be next to me at that point suddenly jumped and put its two front legs on my crotch. She moved her head frantically like she was really scared of all the noise the fireworks was making and as each second passed she seemed to be putting more and more pressure on her paws which happened to be right on my crotch.

Those few seconds felt like an eternity to me. It was like the whole world around me suddenly slowed down to slow motion and I just sat there trying to calm the dog down but not daring to move an inch. You know the phrase “Got you by the balls” right? Well that was the exact predicament I was in.

I looked around for Li Tat in those slow-motioned seconds but I couldn’t find him then I looked at Princess who somehow didn’t seem to notice that my balls were under threat and she just kept going
“Awww… awww… she’s scared of the fireworks. She’s so cute”.

Not realizing that next to the scared dog was her even more scared boyfriend, not because of the fireworks but because he was on the brink of losing his jewels.

A few more seconds passed and I felt more pressure on my crotch. I don’t know much about dogs so I didn’t know how much strength a Golden Retriever would have on its paws and what they were capable of but when you have so much at stake, you always think about the worst. I could already feel the nails on her paw. Not knowing what to do, I sat there helplessly and watched my life flash before me when suddenly….

The fireworks stopped!!! And Smuffy got off.

It was then that I had snapped out of it long enough to tell Princess what had happened and what she had failed to notice.

All she did was let out a big laugh. Don’t you think girlfriends sometimes take some minor things very seriously and yet somehow don’t take the really important things seriously at all?

I mean if Smuffy had done the same thing on her Miu Miu purse, she would’ve flipped!!! You can always buy another purse but you can’t buy another… well…. you know…