Throughout history, man have always been digging.
Ever since the prehistoric caveman realised that his hands can also be used to dig, the caveman digged!
Men love digging! So much sometimes that we even build gigantic digging machines like this.
Why?
It’s not because it’s fun to go through the hard labour of digging a hole.
And it’s not because we hope some women may find digging sexy.
But it’s because of what’s at the bottom.
Whether it’s treasure hunters, archaeologists or even petroleum companies digging for oil, everyone feels excitement and a good sense of accomplishment when they have struck the bottom because that’s where the reward lies.
Everyone… but Stewie.
While digging with my spoon yesterday, I reached the bottom of My Precious.
NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
I’m RUNNING OUT!!!!
I needed another RM505 to buy another tub of Haagen Dazs, and I needed it QUICK!!!
First I went to Beach Street, the old financial district of Penang to see if I could borrow some money from the banks there.
But all the bank officers there turned me down for a STUPID reason.
They said my pet dog Ah Bop was not good enough as collateral for even a RM2 loan.
Can you believe that?!
OUTRAGEOUS!
So I got creative.
I went to this building
where the EPF office in Penang as located.
EPF is one of the best things to happen to Malaysians.
It takes a cut out of our monthly salary to put into savings so we’re forced to save enough money for our retirement.
In the past, EPF has been very helpful and flexible.
They allow their members to withdraw money from their EPF savings for different reasons.
As long as the reason was good!
For example, in the past they allowed us to withdraw some money to buy computers!
Now I don’t know about you guys but drawing out money from our lifetime savings to buy ice-cream is a VERY GOOD REASON.
So I went to ask if they would allow me to draw money from my EPF savings to help me with my “daily expenses”.
The nice lady behind the counter first asked me what expenses in particular and when I said “Beli ice-cream” she told me to get lost.
So fine!
I left! But I didn’t give up hope…
I then went over to the Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri where we pay our income tax.
In the past, our government has been very understanding to people in the lower income bracket like myself.
They allow us tax rebates for different reasons like for buying books or possibly even… for buying tubs of ice-cream.
But again the woman at the counter told me to leave.
Depressed and beaten… I walked the streets helplessly realising that there was nothing else I could do to get money to buy my ice-cream.
Then I came across these ‘advertisements’…
Some very kind people were willing to lend me some money to buy my ice-cream.
And all I have to do is just give them my ATM card, my passport, my home address, the address of everyone in my family and a picture of everyone in my family!
Oh oh.. and the only documentation I needed was to sign a note that said
“I Boss Stewie, agree to pay back Lee Ah Long the amount of RM505 with the agreed interest in one month or Lee Ah Long and his ‘friends’ will throw red paint in my house”.
Ahh life is good again.
PS: I blacked out the numbers of the loansharks because I didn’t want any ten year old kid who stumbled upon my blog craving ice-cream to REALLY CALL UP “Mr. Lee” to borrow money to buy himself some ice-cream. Don’t be silly ok? I obviously didn’t REALLY do any of this!
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space