Today is the launch of Foruchizu, a label that Shorty and Ringo have been working on together for months. Their clothes are available at Isetan KLCC starting today and I decided to follow Shorty there for moral support.
Me: WAH!!! So near the escalator? PRIME POSITION MAN!!! That’s it… I’m sorted Shorty. From now on you will support me.
Shorty: HAHA please la too early to tell.
Me: Wait I go around take some pictures. *walks around*
———-
Me: Shorty, I feel powerful. It’s like I can break anything I want here and if someone tries to make me pay for it I’d just say “Scuze me but in case you didn’t know, I’m banging the Foru in Foruchizu ok?”.
Shorty and I have very different sleep habits. She likes staying up late at night and waking up really late in the morning. I like sleeping early and waking up early.
11PM
Fatty: *jumps under sheets* OK imma go sleep now. Up so early this morning. Now I’m damn sleepy. Come sleep Shorty!
Shorty: Dowan I still got so many things to do.
Fatty: Do tomorrow la, come sleep first.
Shorty: Sleep is for the weak!
Fatty: Oh is that so? Imma say that to you tomorrow morning.
Shorty: HAHA!
*Next morning*
Me: GOOD MORNING SHORTY! RISE AND SHINE!!!!
*Plays the following music loudly next to our bed*
Shorty: *tosses and turns under sheets and grumbles*
Fatty: C’MON SHORTY! WAKE UP! *repeats annoying music again*
Shorty: *grumbles*
Fatty: Annoying right? Just when you think the music is going to stop, it goes on again.
Shorty: *ignores*
Me: Still don’t want to wake up ar? This Shorty ah, so small can sleep so much. Whatever happened to “Sleep is for the weak”.
#20
Shorty and me have this thing when either one of us come home, the other will pretend to be fast asleep.E.g.
Shorty *walks into the bedroom*
Me: *eyes closed pretending to sleep*
Shorty: *comes closer to observe*….
Shorty: *notices movement* THIS FATTY AH!!! PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP AH!! *ruffles hair and hugs and squeeze my big head*
Me: HAHA ok la ok la!
Last night though I decided to go to bed really early because I had to be up early next morning for a con call. When Shorty came home:
Shorty: THIS FATTY AH!! PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP AGAIN AHH!!! *ruffles hair and hugs and squeezes my big head*.
Me: *grumble*
Shorty: Still want to pretend ah this fatty!
Me: *ignores*
Shorty: *more ruffling continues but I was dead as a corpse*
Today
Me: THIS SHORTY AH! Come back late at night then wake me up say I pretending to be sleeping!! I wanted to say “Bitch I’m fukin sleepin here!”
Shorty: HAHAHA!
Me: When did you realize I really wasn’t pretending to sleep.
So we were in Pavilion couple of days ago and Shorty was driving. I was sitting shotgun, just chilling when Shorty decided to try reverse park into a lot while other cars waited on. She went back and forth back and forth.
Me: Aunty… reverse la Aunty what you waiting for… no people behind you already… AIYOOO WHY U GO AHEAD AGAIN…
Shorty: *plays with her phone while humming Beatles songs*
Me: *farts* 🙂
Shorty: *continues to hum*
Me: *laughs quietly*
Shorty: OH MAI GAWD!!!!! YOU FART AH?!
Me: HAHAAHAHAHAH
Shorty: *winds down window and waves fart out of the car with hands*
Me: What are you doing?!?! All the exhaust smoke from outside coming in!
Shorty: I don’t care! *sticks head out and gasps for air*
*Family of 4 in the next car looks on in distraught*
Me: Baby you’re embarrassing me!
Shorty: You should’ve thought of that when you farted!
—————-
Another day in the car.
Me: *farts*
Shorty: ….. FUCK LA FATTY!!!!!
Me: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Shorty: STOP FARTING LA! GO SHIT LAR YOU!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can’t help it Shorty… did you know that the average human body farts 12-18 times a day?
Shorty: Did you know that when you smell fart you actually smell it because actual shit particles go into your nose?
Me: Well my Dad told me if I was going to do something, do it well or don’t do it at all.
——————————-
One day in a crowded elevator
Shorty: *slaps me on my arm* FUK LA BABY YOU FART AGAIN AH?
Me: NO IT WASN’T ME!
Shorty: DON’T BLUFF LA!
*Everyone in the elevator shoots me a dirty disgusted look and covers their nose. Except for the real perpetrator that was silently standing the corner smiling away. Asshole!*
Tim: Something tells me I’m not going to want to see this.
Shorty: *pulls out phone and shows me this*
Shorty: HAHAHA!!!
#13
At a mall.
Shorty: I think I’m going to swim this afternoon!
Me: HAH!
Shorty: What?
Me: Forgive me if I don’t believe you. Lets face it Shorty, you’re lucky you have a high metabolism rate because if not you’ll be one big fatty.
Shorty: HAHA… why?
Me: Well think about it. You eat carbs like Cookie Monster eats cookies and you have the worst discipline ever when it comes to exercise. Remember last time we had a bet that I would last one week without exercise and ice-cream? I lasted 10 days. In return you promised that you would exercise 3 times a week and you didn’t even go once. Well you did run around the room for 30 seconds but that doesn’t count. I don’t know anyone who does less exercise than you.
Shorty: Fine… later I promise you I go swimming.
In the late evening…
Shorty: Fatty where is my papan apung?
Me: Your what?
Shorty: The float I bought that day.
Me: I don’t know.
Shorty: Found it!
Later at the swimming pool…. Shorty in her swim wear, kicking around the water while clinging on to a float.
Me: Eh what is this? You call this swimming? This is more like floating and kicking around.
Shorty: What it’s exercise ok? I’m tired already.
Me: You’ve been floating for like 10 minutes!
Shorty: No I’m swimming and I’m tired! Ok I’m going to just swim to the other end then I’m going to call it a day.
Me: You mean float to the other end.
Shorty: It’s swimming ok!!!
Walking back from the pool.
Me: So Hasan said he might come over again end of this ye….
Shorty: Fatty don’t talk to me now… I’m damn tired.
Me: Ok fine.
Shorty: How come suddenly he want to come?
Me: I don’t know. He just suddenly messaged me today and said that his wife misses the Nasi Lemak here so th..
Shorty: Fatty I said don’t talk to me now. I’m too tired.
Me: EH YOU THE ONE WHO TALK TO ME FIRST! So annoying!
Shorty: *sniffs finger* eww I don’t know why suddenly my finger smells so bad.
Me: Issit…. hmm..
Shorty: *suddenly draws smelly finger right under my nose* You smell and see?
Me: *jerks head violently sideways to avoid the smelly finger* WHAT THE FUCK?!??! I’M DRIVING HERE ! YOU KNOW SMELLY ALREADY WHY YOU ASK ME TO SMELL SOME MORE??
Shorty: HAHAHA! No mah just want you to smell and see if you agree with me.
Me: You already say smelly then I believe you lah! I’m not one of those people who smell fart in the elevator must sniff more to verify to make sure it is really fart or not.
#9
Right after I ordered a hotdog today at this stand in LA’s Farmer’s Market.
Me: Shorty I go toilet first. Help me get my hot dog when they call my name ok?
Shorty: Ok!
Me: By the way my name is “Dave”.
Shorty: WHAT?! HAHA? DAVE!? WTF?!? WHY?
Me: Cuz every time they ask me for my name and I tell them Tim they go “KIM?” and then write down “K-I-M”. Just because I’m Asian and have a name that sounds like “KIM”, they think I’m going to break out into Gangnam Style. So I thought keep it simple. Dave. No Asian name can be confused with Dave.
Shorty: HAHAH WHAT? I’m gonna tweet this.
Me: Go ahead.
*5 minutes later.
Shorty: Have you ever thought that maybe it’s because you don’t pronounce the T in your Tim hard enough?
Me: I do too. See? TIM. *enunciates the T*
Shorty: Say TIM.
Me: TIM.
Shorty: TIM!
Me: TIM!!! *enunciates extra hard. Saliva subsequently flies towards Shorty*
Me: Ah nice picture of you. Can see the studio behind.
Shorty: *darts back on to tour bus*
Me: *follows on to tour bus then checks picture Shorty took earlier*
Me: WHAT KIND OF PICTURE IS THIS?! I COULD BE ANYWHERE!!
Shorty: Nuuu the background is very bright.
Me: Then how come I can take such a nice picture of you?
Later on in the tour
Me: Come I take picture of you in front of this police car. Pretend that you’re running away from it.
Me: Nice pictures!!! Alright my turn.
Shorty: *grabs camera and shoots*
Me: Come on… what kind of picture is this? I can’t even see that my legs are running. It looks like I’m clenching my fists to take a shit in front of a police car.
Shorty: Haha I don’t know.
Me: Take again.
Shorty: *snaps*
Me: WOI! This isn’t any better!
Shorty: *snaps*
Me: You know what? I give up… fuk this.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space