So Shorty and I were at Pavilion today shopping for one of those float boards. Shorty suddenly had the urge to go swimming and she didn’t want to swim like a normal person would. Being the doll she is, she didn’t want to get her hair wet so she insisted on getting one of those float boards. At first I thought when she said float she was looking for one of these Dinosaur floats.
But she was actually looking for this.
Anyway as with any other day with Shorty… drama ensued.
She quickly decided to buy one blue one from Speedo because it was the only colour (blue is the colour she hates the most btw). Only to realize later on that right across from Speedo was a shop that was selling many many more in different colours. One of them being her favourite… pink. For the next 20 minutes or so she considered all possibilities on how she could get a refund of the Speedo and buy this other pink one instead. So much that I began to feel bad for the little Speedo itself and I started telling her a story. You know how when we were kids we used to have to write karangans titled “Saya Sepasang Kasut” and stuff like that.
So on the way home, I made up and narrated a story about the Speedo (in broken Bahasa Malaysia) and made her feel bad about not giving the Speedo one any love. Eventually she decided to take my silly story and blog about it. So we decided to share the entry. She would blog about it and she would let me paste it on my blog so that you guys could read it here… since the whole story involved the both of us.
Here it is: Inspired by a fatty and written by a Shorty. (Note that the events that happened in the story really happened btw. True story.)
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Aku sebuah papan apung berwarna biru. Aku dilahirkan di sebuah kilang di Negeri Cina. Nama saya Speedo wtf.
Saya duduk di kapal terbang dan dibawa ke negara yang dipanggil Malaysia. Saya dipamerkan di kedai Speedo di Pavilion. Saya sangat gembira sebab kedai saya cantik wtf.
Pada suatu hari, ada satu si pendek masuk kedai ingin beli papan apung sebab dia sudah gemuk dan tidak sihat dan tidak ingin mati cepat. Dia mahu berenang tapi takut rambut dia tukar warna so dia nak beli papan apung supaya kepalanya tak akan masuk air. Si Pendek mengambil aku sebab harga saya sudah yang paling murah wtf. Saya terus jatuh cinta dengan Si Pendek itu. Nasib baik tak ada persaingan dari papan apung yang lain sebab kita semua warna biru yang sama.
Si Pendek terus membeli saya ^______^
Tak sampai 30 saat pun, Si Pendek keluar dari kedai Speedo dan ternampak kedai Sun Paradise di depan. Omaigat ini mungkin bad news untuk saya wtf.
Dia terus masuk kedai itu dan ternampak papan apung yang berwarna merah jambu dan terus jatuh hati terhadapnya. T_______T Lebih-lebih lagi papan apung berwarna merah jambu yang bastardo itu lebih murah RM15 FTS T___________T
Nasib baik teman lelaki Si Pendek yang bernama Si Gemuk kata “jangan lah…” Saya sokong Si Gemuk.
Tapi Si Pendek tak peduli dan masuk balik kedai Speedo FTS. Dia cuba cari benda untuk tukar dengan saya. Contohnya sepasang selipar haih standard saya memang jatuh. Sedih.
Nasib baik sekali lagi Si Gemuk kata “tak payah tukar la” dan Si Pendek pun tak dapat cari apa-apa yang dia mahu beli. #successkid.jpg
Tapi aduhai Si Pendek terus balik rumah dan kata kepada Si Gemuk bahawa hanya ada satu jalan. Iaitu saya rosak dengan cepat baru dia boleh beli yang baru WTF. Dia cuba baca tengok samada saya ada tarikh kelupusan ke tidak WTF. Nasib baik saya memang tahan lasak dan tak ada tarikh luput.
Tiba-tiba Si Pendek terbaca arahan tertulis di badan saya yang kata saya tak boleh diletakkan di bawah cahaya matahari untuk terlalu lama. Dan dia tersenyum wtf.
Tamatlah cerita aku di sini.
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English translation – this story was based on the “I am a…. ” essays primary school teachers used to force kids here to write.
I am a blue floating board. I was born in a factory in China. My name is Speedo wtf.
I sat on a plane and was brought to a place called Malaysia. I was displayed in a Speedo store in Pavilion. I was very happy cos my shop is very nice wtf.
One day, this short person came into the store wanting to buy a float because she’s fat and unhealthy and doesn’t want to die early. The shorty wanted to swim but scared her hair change color which is why she wanted to buy a float so her head won’t go underwater. Shorty took me because my price was the cheapest wtf. I straightaway fell in love with Shorty. Luckily there was no competition from other floats because we were all the same blue color.
Shorty bought me ^_____^
Not even 30 seconds later, Shorty exited Speedo and saw the shop Sun Paradise in front. Omaigat this could be bad news for me.
She straightaway went into the shop and saw a pink flotation device and fell in love with it T_________T Some more the pink bastard float was cheaper by RM15 T___________T
Luckily the shorty’s boyfriend, Fatty, said “it’s ok….” I support Fatty!!!
But Shorty didn’t care and went back to the Speedo store FTS. She tried to find something to exchange me for. For example …. a pair of slippers haih my standard really dropped. Sad.
Luckily again Fatty said “don’t need to exchange la” and Shorty also couldn’t find anything to exchange with.#successkid.jpg
But sucks to be me Shorty went home and said to Fatty that there’s only one way. Which is that I spoil fast so she can buy the pink one WTF. She tried to check if I had an expiry date WTF. Luckily I am very good quality and have no expiry date.
Suddenly Shorty read the instructions on me which says I cannot be put under direct sunlight. And she smiled.
Thus here ends my story.
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And everyone… this is the star of the show.
Meet Speedo. Or the star of “Saya Sebuah Papan Apung”.
Haha just as I was editing this I said to Shorty “I’m sure ‘sebuah’ is not the right word to use to describe this board”.
And she said “Then what? Sekeping?”
Haha!
PS: You can read Shorty’s version here.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space